A Reset Day: The Secret to Supercharged ADHD Productivity

Ever have one of those days where you realize you've been running on autopilot, hardly checking in with your own emotions, let alone your loved ones? Our engaging discussion on the Lobow's Spark Podcast serves as a gentle (but aggressive) nudge towards the significance of regular check-ins, not only for the health of our relationships but also for our mental well being. We shed light on the importance of not isolating oneself and how showing up for each other can drastically affect our mental health.

Imagine navigating through the stormy seas of stressful emotions and mastering the art of harnessing your passion amid tough situations. This podcast episode unfolds the immense power of journaling and the role of your heart, especially while dealing with powerful emotions like anger. We also touch upon impactful topics such as overcoming imposter syndrome, managing ADHD, and the transformative journey towards an alcohol-free life, offering a lifeline to listeners in their turbulent times. 

What if you had a "reset day" that could supercharge your productivity? Our spirited discussion in the Spark Speed Challenge chapter explores the idea of a "reset day" and how it can be a game-changer. We believe that accomplishing even one task can be a source of contentment.  Authenticity and self-validation are our parting thoughts, emphasizing the importance of recognizing our strengths and validating our own experiences. It's not just another podcast; it's a conversation that may just change your perspective on life.  Let's Go!!!

Lobow’s SPARK is proudly supported by Leo Guinan, Kirk Hofstrom, Casey Elliot, Sarah Delano, Justin Allingham, Blushing Crafter, Jamie Young, and Beth Jones.  It is also supported by 10 anonymous supporters.  Whether you want to be mentioned by name or remain anonymous, this podcast does not exist without you.  Thank you so much for your support.

Lobow’s SPARK has started a fundraising effort for Crisis Text Line. We have a goal of $19 per episode as $19 supports one person in their time of absolute crisis with their mental health. If you would like to donate through our fundraiser in titled “Lauren’s Infinity”, the link is listed below.
https://www.classy.org/fundraiser/3638033  

The background music during the recognition parts of this episode, was written by Guy Farmer.  Look him up on Itunes!!

MERCHANDISE NOW AVAILABLE! This is a work in progress but tell me what you want, and I will make it happen!  https://lobowspark.myshopify.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Welcome to season 11 of Lobal Spark Podcast. Every person that I know personally is going to be a five day, 10 minutes a day podcast. It's going to be one episode. We're going to talk every single day because I am, at this point, almost almost convinced that friendship is the closest thing we have to a cure for mental health disorders. Rj Zimmerman from UntappedKag how the fuck are you man?

Speaker 2: 0:37

You know what? I'm good. However, today you're getting the unshowered since Friday. Today, sunday, rj the hasn't shaved his head in three days. I just changed my underwear for the first time in three days, 10 minutes ago.

Speaker 1: 0:55

Nice, that's excellent. The reason I think starting these on a Sunday or Monday is I do believe that people with ADHD are lower on Sundays or Mondays or any days around that because it's Friday, you get off work from your normal job, I get to work on what I want to work. On Saturday, I get to work on what I want to work. On Sunday Fuck tomorrow, I can't work on what I want to work on. I'm fucked today. Is that related in any way?

Speaker 2: 1:32

That's how.

Speaker 1: 1:32

I feel at least.

Speaker 2: 1:35

For me it was Friday. Okay, this is awesome, this is going to be great. I get to plan what I'm going to do tomorrow. Then Saturday after 5 pm is shit. I'm over halfway done with my weekend. What did I get done? What do I still have to do? Sunday, you wake up and it's like, okay, I have to go back to work tomorrow. Can I even get anything done today? No, I have stuff I have to get done around the house. I might as well get that done. You end up not getting all that done either.

Speaker 1: 2:08

It's a spiral. It's a spiral when everyone else kicks off their week with the Monday blues or whatever, where it's like, oh, I wish it didn't have to go to work today. Their Sunday was different than ours, I think their Sunday was. They can just completely relax and then wake up on Monday, have those blues or whatever. If we know that we're going to have those blues on Monday, we can't do fucking shit on Sunday. Saturday is really the pinnacle I think of when we operate the best. But again, this is just a check-in. The entire point of this is to say to someone that you love how are you? That's it, yeah, and we're going to do this every day for 10 minutes a day.

Speaker 2: 3:04

And that is something that is beautiful, because you get to see the ups and downs, even though I haven't showered in two days. And I just realized, honestly, just realized, that I didn't change my underwear for two days. I totally forgot. Changed my pants, changed my shirt, didn't change my underwear. Why didn't I change my underwear? I don't know.

Speaker 1: 3:27

Well, maybe because you haven't showered, so you didn't take your underwear off.

Speaker 2: 3:30

I mean, yes, that is why. That is why it's like I need to do a pair of clothes. So here we go, but no, I'm good, though I'm like it's not like I'm doing this because I'm playing around doing nothing, although today my kids and I really did not do anything. We'd stayed in our PJs all day and played around the house oh, that's awesome Watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It was awesome, it was a fun day, but we didn't do anything, which is okay. You need those days. It's a rest day.

Speaker 1: 4:01

You know, what's amazing is the first person to try this five days in a row was Leo, and it was literally the same thing, really Like. That's my whole thing. It's like, well, I took my kids to the fair and we did nothing, and it was awesome.

Speaker 2: 4:18

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 4:19

Yeah. So of course I'm going to bang this into the ground and beat a dead horse over it, because I truly believe that I love you, rj. I want to know how you're doing. So I fucking check in with you. Like yeah, why is this a hard concept For people like I don't understand how it is so difficult to care.

Speaker 2: 4:48

I think it's not the caring that's difficult. It's the understanding that the person on the other end cares Good point Very good point. I think that that is what a lot of it is. I know that's how it is with me. It's not necessarily that I don't care. It's that I don't want to be a bother, I don't want to be a burden, I don't want to, you know like You've said that forever.

Speaker 2: 5:15

You've said that since I've known you it's accepting that someone else loves you and when I have things that I want to talk about with people, I go through the list in my head who can I talk to about this that is, I know, is not going to be in a place where it's too overwhelming, where all of a sudden I'm bringing this and like I'm the strong person for them right now because they're going through shit. Who can I talk to about this that would be able to be there for me? And generally I end up at legitimately nobody, so then I don't tell anybody and then I hold it in for a while.

Speaker 1: 5:57

And that's to me. That's sad, but I understand why I mean. Truth be told, the other night I bawled my eyes out to you and you just listen to me, man. All you did was sit there and listen and not say fuck you, lobao, you suck, this is wrong, this is you know whatever. You just sat there and listened. The next day I'm like OK, let's go. I do see what I'm trying to do here. It's like it presents something to where it's like all you have to do which is a lot is give a fuck about the person you love. That is it. But it seems so difficult for neurotypicals to understand this. Like, just care.

Speaker 2: 6:53

I hear it's that society, and especially, I would say, western society, has promoted this individualism, except so hard that now you feel like you really do have to take everything on yourself, or else it's you're not being individual.

Speaker 1: 7:18

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's so ironic though it's like well, in order to promote good content, you have to act like you care, right, like you have to act like you care. No, no, you just have to give a fuck and not care about the goddamn content, care about the fucking person. Yep, that's it. So we started off fast. This is day one and we are seven minutes in. I do have to ask you and I will ask you this every single day what are you most proud of today?

Speaker 2: 7:52

God damn it.

Speaker 1: 7:56

Everyone hates it. They hate it so much.

Speaker 2: 8:00

I am proud that I allowed myself to rest and I didn't guilt myself over it today.

Speaker 2: 8:05

I love that that has been a lesson that is many months in the making and I am to the point where I am able to do it. Not necessarily I will, but especially when I have my kids, that I can allow myself to rest and be with them and be present with them and understand that I am not cheapening their time with me because I didn't take them anywhere, because we didn't do anything super fun, right. But they have this time with me where we just got to hang out and you are together.

Speaker 1: 8:43

Yeah, you are together. That doesn't matter what you do. It's locked you together in that. So there is a last thing I will say before we move on to day two is there was a very strategic reason I chose you this week. This is the busiest week of the year for me, as in by far the busiest. I am getting hit from my normal job, from my friends. Basically I can't say what I do, but it is the biggest quote sporting event that I work every single year, where I have to move one stadium from a certain town to another stadium and operate everything While everyone is hitting me up for tickets, parking passes, all this kind of stuff. It is extremely stressful. You have a calm confidence about you that I need this week, like legitimately so. So again in the season of, I am going to give a fuck about myself also, instead of just killing myself for other people.

Speaker 2: 9:50

Right.

Speaker 1: 9:51

I am going to tell you straight up I want to talk to you this week, every day, because you're the only motherfucker in the world that could caught me down a little bit. I love you, rj, I love you too Lava. Welcome to day two. How are you today?

Speaker 2: 10:10

So if you'd asked me earlier today, I would have been chaotic. I would have said there's just something that is weighing on me and I don't know what. It is Right. There's a couple of things that happened. I'm feeling really great. I had a really busy day today, but it was a. It was a busy that I was able to not just navigate but really get through in a way that has left me feeling fulfilled, Awesome. So this morning journaling. So I journal every day. I know it's weird. If you'd asked me a year ago, I had to tell you to go fuck yourself. I'm never going to journal. You, piece of fucking shit. Stay the fuck away from me Now. I journal every day.

Speaker 1: 10:55

So I'm you, I'm you, you're in the past. I mean I'm not journaling.

Speaker 2: 11:02

It's so helpful. Every once in a while Not every day it's helpful, but sometimes it is. I realize that I'm angry, and it's okay. What am I angry about? Well, I'm still angry about the divorce that I'm going through. I'm still angry my ex, because I don't want this and the way that it's gone down is just not Not something that I feel like is necessarily wanted by both either of us, but it is. And so we have two kids that we're working through things with and I'm just I'm mad about that.

Speaker 2: 11:36

But I haven't been allowing myself to feel mad because I've wanted to just get through the grieving, the sad, the anger, everything. So I'm like I'm not going to feel it anymore and I was pushing it away and pushing it down and like I'm going to just focus on this and by doing that, it has just built up. And so now, with me naming that, it's like, of course I feel that way. Why wouldn't I feel that way? It's not something that I want. It's not something that I've wanted at all. Right, and I'm at a place where things are starting to move up, and a lot of that is because I'm no longer waiting for her to come around, but that doesn't mean that I'm not sad about it. It doesn't mean that I'm not mad about it. And when I don't allow myself to feel that and I just push it away, it just weighs on you. You know it. Just it weighed on me.

Speaker 1: 12:31

You're using passion to get through it.

Speaker 2: 12:35

Yeah, yeah, and some of it is. You know, is that, fuck you, watch me energy that.

Speaker 1: 12:40

Yeah, oh yeah, oh. You think that I'm not going to be like buried?

Speaker 2: 12:44

I'm going to be like fuck you, watch me Right. That gets you started but it doesn't get you sustained, correct. And along with that, I've been wanting to just move on with my life, and I've been doing that. But because I've been wanting to move on with my life, I have pushed this to the side. I've done enough grieving, I've done it. I've had enough anger. I'm tired of it. I want to do, but the thing is, if I do that and I don't honor it, it just sits there.

Speaker 1: 13:13

So let's honor it today. And it doesn't move, and that's what I did, so let's honor it today.

Speaker 2: 13:18

And that's what I did. Yeah, I was just like, but yeah, of course, like I get to be pissed off about this.

Speaker 1: 13:23

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:24

It's a shitty fucking situation Like it's a shitty thing, and so moving through that, like it allowed me to, it allowed me to get some work done this morning oh yeah, To really show up as a coach for a coaching for a client that I have that's just beginning their alcohol free journey. It let me show up for some, a group of people who are just beginning their alcohol free journey.

Speaker 1: 13:49

And then can I ask you one thing? I'm interrupting, I'm doing it, can you? Can you please explain to people what exactly you're doing and helping them with alcohol free, because, honestly, like people need to hear this.

Speaker 2: 14:05

So so I have not drank in over 10 years. I've had a podcast called untapped keg for three and a half years, and over the past year I've gotten certified as a self discovery after alcohol coach. Basically I'm a life coach, but with an alcohol free kind of viewpoint on it, and so I help people to see that their beliefs about alcohol aren't actually what they're getting from alcohol. So your beliefs are there for different reasons and it's not serving you to continue to believe that and it's not honestly what you're getting. And so when you work on your beliefs around it, when you work on your emotions around it and you start to work on that, you don't just change the behavior, you lose the desire to do it. And so with that, I'm working with this naked mind and I'm helping to facilitate and be a coach in three year long groups for alcohol free.

Speaker 2: 15:10

It's called the path. If you go to thisnakedmindcom you'll find it. It's really amazing. The success rate is unbelievable 90% of the people that were polled and it was a random amount as done by a third party 90% of the people who were polled changed their relationship with alcohol and it's now healthier. Wow. It doesn't mean that they stopped drinking. It means that they completely changed it 90% and I would say it was like 2,300 people. I can find the numbers after this.

Speaker 1: 15:40

That's actually amazing. Arjay, Like that's okay, so I'm gonna need that on Sunday of this. Okay, I'll be there Because honestly like.

Speaker 2: 15:52

And the thing with this and what I said about self-discovery is it goes to life. It's not just a substance, it's not just weed, it's not just alcohol, it's not just porn, it's not just. It goes to life and how you're coping. And so my self-discovery is why I'm at where I'm at, why I realized I was angry and I have to feel that.

Speaker 1: 16:16

Well, this has been a hell of a day too, Already. I love it. I love it. You came in here with energy today.

Speaker 2: 16:24

I didn't even get to the best part yet.

Speaker 1: 16:26

Oh shit, Get to the best part.

Speaker 2: 16:29

Fuck. So I had a really heavy coaching call on Saturday. That was like it was a lot of really heavy stuff, yeah, and I felt like I did okay, but I felt like I left stuff there Like I could have done a better job. I wasn't sure I helped people and my mentor, who has been doing this for like three years that she sent me a message today and she said, hey, I appreciate the heads up because we're putting a content warning on there because there's some stuff that is massive, so we want people to know about it. Yeah, and she's like, by the way, that is one of the best coaching calls I have ever had the pleasure to watch and I was like, oh, and she's like it wasn't just how you held space, because you hold space better than so many people it was your transitions, your ability to bring humor into this in a not crass way, but a way that everybody related to, and it was your body language too. You were there with them.

Speaker 1: 17:34

And I was like, oh my God, rj, that is such a fucking. You can't get a better compliment than that.

Speaker 2: 17:42

No no.

Speaker 1: 17:44

That's literally saying thank you for being who you are. That's what that's saying.

Speaker 2: 17:48

Yep, how many. So like that was weighing on me too, because like that call I was, like I was still like I don't you know, if people watch it, I don't know what they're gonna get from it, I don't really know. And it turns out once again my opinion about myself cannot be trusted.

Speaker 1: 18:08

Dude, I totally get that because I'm struggling with this the episode with Leo on today that came out. That is going to be the last episode I edit and I am panicking, right, like I'm panicking. I'm like I want to put, like my best foot forward so that other people understand. So the YouTube manager and I came to an agreement I will not edit until the final minute. I'm getting my fucking fade out, okay, like I'm getting. So I will not edit the main body, but I will edit. I want the motivation, just like you just said. Who was like? That girl told you that that's, oh my God, that you can't want anything else from what you're doing than what she said. Nothing else, absolutely. Well, I can't even ask you what you're most proud of today, because you just described it. But what are you most proud of today?

Speaker 2: 19:25

Taking my kids to the store and getting them Pokemon cards and being patient with them and trying to choose which one they wanted to get Instead of saying nope you're getting this one and walking out. I sat there until he chose which one and, wow, that's what. If you hear them, that's what they're going bonkers over right now is the Pokemon cards they brought home.

Speaker 1: 19:48

You should be proud of that, cause I again, if I ever have kids, I'm learning from you and Leo right now, because it's literally the same thing. That he said on day two was like I had the patience to wait in line to get on the ride to go to the. I'm like, oh my God, I don't know if I have an Emmy man, like straight up, like I just I don't know if I'm able to do that, but I think I would be the greatest father this world has ever fucking seen. I know that. But that patience that you possess, I don't know how to go about that. Like I literally cannot imagine all the things I'm going through and then wait, take a deep breath. That's just. I'm being honest, like I'm trying to be as honest as I can, like I don't know how that would work.

Speaker 2: 20:59

And it's a learned skill. It's not something that I had when I was younger but, honestly, when you see the look on their face, the way that you connect with people and it's your child you see the look on their face as they're picking out the Pokemon cards that they want. It helps you to find another level, 100% sense.

Speaker 1: 21:23

One of my friends told me the birth of his first child. He was like this is cloud nine. I never understood this, but this is cloud nine and my ADHD and my mental health is like I don't know if I want to be on cloud nine because I will do nothing else but protect that person.

Speaker 2: 21:46

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:47

And like, and I will say to fuck with the world, like I will do nothing to care about that person, and of course, I'll take you to the extreme, which is, but you have to be able to balance it, which you seem to do really well, which is why I need you this week. It is basically like you do these things for your kids. You also get your job done. If I had kids, I don't know if I could ever get my job done.

Speaker 2: 22:15

Hey, Cody, you have ADHD. You get as much done in three hours that the average person gets done in 10. I love it.

Speaker 1: 22:24

RJ, I'll let you get back to your kids. Day two hey, congratulations Day two at the same time, at the same time, we met. I love you. Love you, buddy.

Speaker 2: 22:36

I'll see you tomorrow. I love you too. Sounds great.

Speaker 1: 22:38

Yep, so welcome to day three, three days in a row. How are you doing today, rj?

Speaker 2: 22:47

I am Peaceful, beautiful, which is that's not something that I even understood a year ago what it meant. I heard people say that and I assumed it was something like Buddhist monk, like a normal person can't get to that.

Speaker 2: 23:07

Yeah, and the first time I felt it I actually was mad because I thought I was numbing my emotions again and I was like I went through all that pain, I went through all that work and now I'm numbing my emotions. And a few minutes later a song came on that reminded me of my ex-wife and I had a tear that came down and I was like, oh, I am feeling, what is this? And then I realized it was peace and I was like, oh, is this, is this the happiness that people talk about getting to? Maybe, whatever it is, I enjoy it, but it was.

Speaker 1: 23:44

That's how foreign it was the first time I had an ability to feel feelings is peace, regardless of what. What the feeling is. If you have the ability to feel feelings, you'll be at peace Because you can experience them in their raw and real form. Oh yeah, so, rj, like I gotta be honest, it's day three. It's amazing to me that people say ADHD, people can't stick to a schedule Bullshit, because we absolutely can if we're the ones creating it with each other. Hey, does this work for you? If not, great, does this work for you? Okay, yeah, that does. So we show up. This is this is not a difficult concept for me. It is, I think, actually the most scheduled people on earth, but you got to give us some fucking slack to make our own schedule that works. You can't dictate this shit.

Speaker 2: 24:55

Like and that's what I was gonna say is I think the collaboration is what's most important. Yeah, like giving us the opportunity to have a say yeah, and understanding that our headspace might dictate that we have to skip one or two. That's okay, that happens, but we will probably be there, no matter what our headspace is.

Speaker 1: 25:19

To be honest, Correct, and that's it. That's. The double edged sword side is like we're gonna kill ourselves to be there, even if we don't feel like it. But the thing is, if you give us the power to communicate with the other person that we're gonna be meeting up with, then we want to show up. It's not a obligation, it's a.

Speaker 1: 25:45

I can't wait to talk to RJ today and that's what. So I've been doing. One of my friends hired me to basically he's the CEO of a company that I can't say, and he was like I just need to get shit done, can you please help me? So we talked for 15 minutes a day for months and at the end of it he goes this was actually just an excuse to connect with you. I didn't really need the help. I just wanted to connect with you and talk on a daily basis, and that means everything to me. So this is my excuse. I told Leo the same thing. It's my excuse to connect with RJ every day. The podcast is the excuse of I want to talk to RJ every day, so we're gonna fucking do it.

Speaker 2: 26:39

I find that as well, that the podcast gives me an excuse to schedule time to talk with somebody, because for some reason, we feel like scheduling is less connection, no matter what we're scheduling. Right then, if it was spontaneous, the truth is, connecting is connecting. It doesn't matter if it's scheduled or not.

Speaker 1: 27:03

I love it. I love day three already. Last thing what are you most proud of? Dang it Today.

Speaker 2: 27:10

You always say dang it, because you always ask me but I always forget. I'm just here to have the conversation. I'm not here to talk about what I'm most proud of.

Speaker 1: 27:24

That's what's hard. Once again, it is time to give recognition to this podcast's biggest supporters. Without you, this does not exist. So thank you, leo Guynan, thank you Kirk Hofstrom, thank you Blushing Crafter, thank you Casey Elliot, thank you Justin Allingham, thank you, sarah Delano. You get a special one because you were one of my earliest supporters from TikTok. Love you, sarah, thank you Jamie Young and thank you, beth Jones. Also, a huge thank you to the anonymous supporters of this podcast. I understand if you don't want to publicly say that you support this, because I am fucking outrageous and I curse a lot and I'm in your face and all that. I get it. Ten anonymous supporters into the ones I mentioned by name. Thank you.

Speaker 2: 28:25

Today, I'm gonna say allowing myself to not be what most people and what I used to define as productive, and to not be productive Like I am a little bit, but not to a level that I would usually be okay with, I guess, or I would feel guilt around. I'm allowing myself to not be that productive, understanding that I'm coming off a couple weeks where I was very, very, very busy, and because I'm not so productive, I'm refilling my own cup. I'm gonna be able to be more present with my kids tonight Also also, I am actually, if I look at it through a different lens I'm being very productive because now, tomorrow, I can show up better, more well, and everything like that, so not feeling guilty for the non-traditional productivity.

Speaker 1: 29:38

You have a way of phrasing things that is unbelievable. I will say, in the last group episode, what I said was you encouraged me every day, rj, to show up 100% myself. Like that's what I am. Like I just, I just I'm fucking using this situation to hang out with you. That's what this whole podcast, whatever. I just want to talk to you, so it's all good.

Speaker 1: 30:04

So, day three is in the books. Day four tomorrow. Welcome to day four. How are you today? How was your day? I'm tired. I gotta be honest, I am tired.

Speaker 2: 30:18

I thought I was going to be very distraught and you were gonna see me be a crying mess right now. Really, most of my day was anxiety filled Me, ruminating over and being nervous about an event that I had and just kind of reliving negative things of my life. You know, missing my ex-wife, like missing my family, having the family that I thought I was gonna have right, missing some of my old businesses, opportunities, things like that and I'm actually in a really great place and having a few epiphanies on the night, you know.

Speaker 2: 31:24

Wow I still have this imposter syndrome. I still think that people see me the way that I see me. It still hasn't occurred to me that people see me different and that my credibility about myself really needs to be taken into account, which is that I have zero credibility when it comes to myself. And yeah, I thought that I was gonna be in a place where I didn't belong. I thought I was gonna be in a place where I had to let people down in a big way, and that wasn't the case at all. I was telling myself this story over and over and over again. Sometimes I get stuck in the stories and I don't see the truths inside of it.

Speaker 1: 32:11

You've said that so many times about how it's. You've always thought, like how can someone else respect me? Like what a piece of shit. You know what a piece of shit. You know this, that the other Truth be told like I was so tired today that I was 30 seconds away an hour ago from being like I don't know if I can do another call today. And I was like no, you absolutely can take an hour nap. So that's why the link came in five minutes before, as I set my alarm right for that and just went to sleep in the chair and it was like, okay, you know this whole aspect of like showing up. Now I'm invigorated again. I felt like shit earlier, but now I'm talking to you and so I'm good again, like that and that's it.

Speaker 1: 33:05

But I understand what you're saying the imposter syndrome of like what a piece of shit. I told myself all day, if I can't meet with RJ today, what a piece of shit you are. This is what you want to do. This is your thing. You know all this kind of stuff. What a piece of shit. For being tired, what a piece of shit. No, people get tired, they take a nap and then they show the fuck up for the people they love.

Speaker 2: 33:27

Isn't that the truth? Isn't that the truth?

Speaker 1: 33:30

And it doesn't beat me down. That's the thing it's like. This has not beaten me down. It's actually enhanced my evening so that now, in 10 minutes, when we get five, or 10 minutes when we get off this call, I'm going straight into my wife putting on fucking Casper, the friendly ghost, eating food and going to bed. That's that my night is enhanced because of you, because of this situation. That's the whole thing. And I think that so many of us say what a piece of shit. What a piece of shit. Well, we can build each other up like no one's fucking business to not think we're pieces of shit.

Speaker 2: 34:10

How about those connections? Yeah, and I really thought that I really three o'clock, I was not in a good place and I like around 10 or 11, I was just, I was spiraling and so I texted my best friend and I'm like, hey, can you meet me at a coffee shop an hour before this event? It's weighing on me. I'm not in a good place. I've got like this consistent and constant buildup of stress to the point of being overwhelmed. It's just like whatever I'm doing, I just cannot keep it at bay. Nothing's working right. And so I met him for coffee and was talking about things and it just I started to feel better because he was there just for me and didn't judge me. It was about the connection, and so that started things off really well. And then going into the event, allowing myself to see the interactions for what they actually were, instead of me putting my premeditated interactions onto it, right, right, that.

Speaker 2: 35:30

I could avoid some things as a negative, as they're mad at me. I did let them down. The truth was, they were stressed too, just like I was stressed, yep, and that allowed me to realize, when I realized that they were stressed, okay, this is not just an RJ thing, this is a human thing, it's okay.

Speaker 1: 35:56

Dr Russell Barkley, the ADHD I think one of the greatest ever at explaining it said that ADHD people will always be dependent on the external situations for how productive they are. We are external, other people are internal. So when you're telling yourself you suck, you suck that you know I'm spiraling, I'm spiraling. That's an internal feeling. It requires external support for you to realize internally that it's okay and that literally is. He explains it in a great way. But it is.

Speaker 1: 36:38

The outcome of our actions will most likely always be dependent on external factors. The problem with that? I disagree with that in some way. However, I firmly believe it in another, because it's like, yes, it requires other people to say, hey, I will meet you at the coffee shop, I will get on the Zoom call tonight, I will do those things. But if we all know that about each other as ADHD people, when one's up and the other's down, pick them up. If you're up, pick someone else up. If you're down, someone's gonna pick you up, because on any given time at any given day, one of this is gonna be good. Okay, god damn, get in touch with them.

Speaker 2: 37:21

Just having that knowledge, too, allows you to explain that to people in your life who are important to you, and you are important to them. And all of a sudden there's an understanding not just the view of yourself, but of what they see compared to what you feel and whoa, I could help you this way, really.

Speaker 1: 37:42

That's so cool and it's like I didn't even.

Speaker 2: 37:45

That's the thing about ADHD and all of the cliches and the misnomers and not actually understanding fundamentally what it is Right, right, so just the knowledge changes everything.

Speaker 1: 38:00

And it's amazing to me, like would you ever have thought, at three o'clock, that this would probably be the best day, that we've spoken, with the best points ever? No, neither did I.

Speaker 2: 38:13

I was 90% sure I was gonna be a crying mess.

Speaker 1: 38:16

And I was 90% sure I was gonna sleep through it and like, honestly, that's literally. I was so tired, that's where I was, but we both shut up and we both fucking helped each other and it's been 10 minutes.

Speaker 2: 38:30

Yeah, and that's what I like to say to people especially like big changes in your life. All of this Just showing up deserves so much credit.

Speaker 1: 38:39

Oh, my God.

Speaker 2: 38:39

So much credit.

Speaker 1: 38:40

Done it.

Speaker 2: 38:42

It's one of the most important things in the world, and it's like the thing that can change how you're viewing everything is just showing up yes, yes, because you helped me immensely.

Speaker 1: 38:58

I helped you immensely. Another friend helped you immensely earlier by showing up. This is short. I mean honestly, day four is now in the books. I do have to ask you and I know you hate it what are you most proud of today? I can help you with this because I know you were spiraling. I'm proud of fucking showing up to this tonight.

Speaker 2: 39:20

That's what I was gonna say was the fact that I allowed myself, despite the spiral, despite the anxiety, the fear, all that constant buildup, I allowed myself to be present and not let the stories carry through. Oh yeah, that's what I'm most proud of myself being and, yeah, I love that.

Speaker 1: 39:41

RJ, I love you Tomorrow.

Speaker 2: 39:43

Tomorrow.

Speaker 1: 39:43

Day five. All right, buddy, let's go. We think it's so hard until we do it, and then it's like we get this jolt for having done it and we don't get enough credit for doing the goddamn thing that we're doing, you know.

Speaker 2: 40:00

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 40:02

That's my opinion, at least I agree.

Speaker 2: 40:05

I agree with you 100% and it's.

Speaker 1: 40:08

This is not difficult, except for that it's so difficult. Welcome to day five, RJ. How are you today?

Speaker 2: 40:20

I don't know, I'm kind of meh. I'm kind of today is a reset day for me, so I'm not really working on anything. I'm more just like catching up on stuff that I've kind of it hasn't been super important. So ADHD, if it's not important, see ya, yeah done. So I'm just kind of catching up on things, floating through to some meetings, yeah, and the beauty of being an entrepreneur I mean there's a lot of stress, but the beauty is that I get to take these days that happen and go where the wind blows me.

Speaker 1: 41:03

Right, that's right. Wind's about to blow me off the porch right now, but but yeah, so it's interesting and this plays perfectly into. So you know the acronym of SPARC Speed, passion, attitude, reliability, knowledge. That's the thing. Knowledge is reflection. This is day five. Reflection. You are not overly excited, you're not feeling pressure to do a lot, you're meh. Yep, that's when and when you get this back. You will attack tomorrow so strong, like that's in my opinion. But it's not promoting my own strategy, it's just it kind of played really well into that so I had to say it. But what have we done today and what are we going to do later today? You have a call at some point with someone that obviously needs your help.

Speaker 2: 42:03

Yep. So so far today I've reached out to people, I've had conversations with online Journaled, read a chapter in a book which was nice, and just kind of reflected on some, like I said, some of the things that I've kind of pushed to the side while some more important things were at the forefront. And so later this afternoon I have two meetings and then I'm going to Kung Fu, which is, you know, it includes a workout, but it's also like that, that mindfulness and meditation state that I get to while I'm doing that being physically active is turns out it's important for ADHD people.

Speaker 1: 42:56

So, Weird.

Speaker 2: 42:59

Yeah, and knowing that I have this coming up too, it's going to be a. This really is a reset day, because tomorrow I'll be able to do what I feel, you know, is the most productive thing. Like, one of the things that I'm going to do is write out what is going to be the most benefit for me for my next two, three steps, and I'll maybe make two of them for tomorrow, and if I get all three done, that's perfect. If I only do two, that's perfectly fine too. I don't want to overload myself, because I'm at a point where I could be, even if you do one.

Speaker 1: 43:38

Yeah, if you do one, yep, that's huge. Lobal Spark has started a fundraising effort for Crisis Text Line. We have a goal of $19 per episode, as $19 supports one person in their time of absolute crisis with their mental health. If you would like to donate through our fundraiser titled Lawrence Infinity, the link is listed in the episode's description. Lauren was my wife's best friend and loved by all who came into contact with her. Here I have a lot of stuff tomorrow I won't accomplish, but it's more than likely just setting down. You know goals that I don't necessarily expect to happen, but I'm going to dog into death until I do, and if I get one done, I'm fucking euphoric over that, yeah.

Speaker 2: 44:34

I mean, it's like what we talked about last night or yesterday was show up.

Speaker 1: 44:38

Yep, that's exactly, but you do seem a little bit not stressed, but just kind of not excited today, a little bit more. Just, I don't know, it's a different RJ that I've seen the past four days, which is awesome, which is awesome.

Speaker 2: 45:00

I'm just like it's just the whole point and I would say today's I'm like neutral, I'm not feeling low, I'm not high and excited and a lot of things going on. I'm just showing up and allowing my body and my mind to go my body to rest, my mind to take a break and also my mind, instead of directing it, just go.

Speaker 1: 45:31

And you know. What's funny about this is these are the type of days, in my opinion, only that you learn the most about yourself. You learn the most about yourself when you're neutral, because when you're high, it's like OK, let's go, let's go, let's go. When you're low, it's I can't do anything, I suck, I suck, I suck. So there's those extremes.

Speaker 2: 45:53

These are actually the best days ever to gain knowledge about the fact that you're neither yeah, and it's like the thing is, too that we've talked about is showing up authentically as yourself. Yeah, 100% changes from day to day. Right, you have seen my authentic self today. This is my authentic self, this is how I'm showing up, and that's something important to call out to, absolutely that's 100%.

Speaker 1: 46:24

Yeah, that's the whole project. That's the whole project, is that? And obviously I'm heightened this week because it's very stressful. However, I have slept, I have eaten and I owe you a huge debt of gratitude for these things, because I told you that I needed you this week, so you showed up every day, even if it was a lot. I mean, two ADHD people showing up every day at a time that they come up with and actually following through. That is a miracle to make, but it's not a miracle. That's the whole thing.

Speaker 2: 47:03

It does and it takes dedication. It takes what's the word I'm looking for? What do people say? They feel like I am somebody who is disciplined. That's what I'm looking for and I'm like it depends on your definition of that word Correct 100%? I'm not 100% disciplined that a lot of people would call disciplined.

Speaker 1: 47:33

Well, we've been taught the wrong thing of what discipline is. Discipline is. You wake up at 5 AM, you go to the gym, you stay focused, you do that. That's not what discipline means. In my opinion, discipline is the ability to recognize shit in yourself and show up as yourself. That's discipline. The rest of the shit is fucking fake.

Speaker 2: 47:57

Yep, that's exactly what I was going to say. Is my definition of discipline, too, is showing up for yourself. And that's consistently choosing yourself.

Speaker 1: 48:09

Yeah, 100%. I am very proud of us, rj. Five days in a row of speaking to the safe person is hard. With all the shit going on, it's hard to do this, but it really wasn't hard for me because I love you. So it's like I just get to talk to RJ, so fuck why, not. This isn't a drag or a thing I have to do. I want to do this and I think the more that people with ADHD want to do something, the better they become.

Speaker 2: 48:46

Yep, absolutely, and that's important too, is to realize and make things in a way that you want to do it. Yeah, how can?

Speaker 1: 48:58

you do that Again, this whole project is, oh, this didn't work. Well, here's another idea. I'm going to try it and I'm just going to put myself and people first at the same time and just reach out to the people I love and talk to them. That that carried me this week, like it literally did. It was I want to talk to RJ this week, so I talk to you, and that's it. That's it Now. I'm okay every day, knowing that. Okay, well, I'm going to talk to RJ at a certain time. I might not feel great right now, but I know that by talking to him, he's just going to have this complete calm presence about him. And as much as you you know you can be hyperactive, I'm sure, and fly off the rails like we all can you are calmer than I could ever be and I needed a balance of a friend this week. Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2: 50:06

It's my pleasure. I'm glad that I can provide that for you too, that kind of support. So I'm glad you recognize that and you reached out for support Right. You knew it.

Speaker 1: 50:18

That's the whole thing. So, instead of what are you most proud of today for the final day and I just thought of this big surprise ADHD I'm going to go ahead and say what are you most proud of me for?

Speaker 2: 50:31

Hmm, hmm, I like this one. You know what I'm most proud of you, for I'm most proud of you for recognizing the support that you were going to need and being preemptive about doing that for yourself, so showing up for yourself and you just mentioned the sleeping, the eating, the taking care of yourself so you knew that you were going to need that this week and you created an opportunity for it to make it easier on yourself, and that's what you did, and so that's what I am most proud of you for.

Speaker 1: 51:11

Awesome. Now here's where it gets a little more difficult. What are you need to say? You have to ask me, what am I most proud of you for? But you have to ask it.

Speaker 2: 51:23

All right, Lobo. What are you most proud about me?

Speaker 1: 51:29

for I am most proud of you for fucking showing up every day for someone like me and I don't mean someone like me in a bad way, I just mean that I'm pretty intense. I will throw the kitchen sink and say, let's do this, let's do this, let's do this, but people have lives. They have things, they have to do. I am most proud of you for being the most authentic fucking person I have met in a long time, because every time I talk to you, it makes me like I get motivated by it. Even if you're not motivated, I'm motivated just by seeing someone else put their best self forward all the time. And your best self isn't what the world thinks it is. You just show up. You're just the most authentic fucking person ever and I love you a lot. I'm getting emotional and that's fine. I needed you this week, thank you, and I'm so proud that we are so close.

Speaker 2: 52:39

Yeah, I am.

Speaker 1: 52:41

Authenticity, man, that is your thing. That is your thing. Like you, are the most authentic ever In my opinion, of anyone I've spoken with the most authentic. I am so proud of you for that.

Speaker 2: 52:58

Thank you, that's such high praise. That's such high praise, if I get to 60% of your authenticity.

Speaker 1: 53:05

I'm going to have a great fucking life. That was my, I don't know. I just came up with that last second. It was kind of like I love that I love that.

Speaker 2: 53:18

And being true to yourself, right, yeah?

Speaker 1: 53:21

I was flexible Like yeah. And you know what, if people are going to say, oh, you need these external things, or it's begging for compliments, it's not begging for compliments. What it is is asking someone something that will help you feel better about yourself. What is the problem with this?

Speaker 2: 53:43

That's society teaching us that we don't like. If you ask for something, then it's cheap and it's lessened. It's something else Bullshit. That's not true. It's something Don't have to.

Speaker 1: 53:55

Yeah, it's the hardest thing to do is to say what are you most proud of me for? That is such a. It's cringy right, like it's different, but it's. I want to know so that I can get better.

Speaker 2: 54:10

And we talked earlier in that episode people see it. It was last night, yeah, about how sometimes we need different eyes to be able to see ourselves, because our eyes, that we see ourselves with, are have such a filter on it that we cannot see a lot of the good yeah, most of the good, sometimes any good.

Speaker 1: 54:38

Yeah, when it's only about what you think of yourself, odds are it's probably not going to work for the long haul. But when you have someone else reiterating to you your authenticity, your awesomeness, all of that, then you start to believe it yourself.

Speaker 2: 54:59

Yeah, especially if you're open to the fact that so many different people are relaying the same message to you, and so if I'm getting the same messages from somebody else, maybe I'm wrong when it comes to me. Maybe I need to open myself up to them being right and actually explore that.

Speaker 1: 55:20

I love it. I love the fact that you are so right about me and I am so right about you. Rj, I love you. This has been fun, man, I love you too.