Laughter and Empathy as Therapy for the Neurodivergent Mind

When Christophe walked into our studio, his story immediately struck a chord. On the cusp of 40, he never expected that his wife's dual diagnosis of ADHD and autism would lead to his own revelation of living with undiagnosed ADHD. As we peel back the layers of his journey, you'll discover how embracing neurodivergence can redefine personal success, and why standardization in our society often misses the mark in acknowledging individual strengths.

Our candid conversation with Christophe—a seasoned hypnotherapist—takes us through the serendipitous moments of recognizing ADHD traits in oneself and the paradoxical strengths they bring. Whether it's being a 'jack-of-all-trades' in an IT department or tapping into social chameleon skills, this episode celebrates the quirks and the qualities that make us who we are. We laugh about our shared experiences on the frontline of adaptability, and we provide an insider's guide to navigating the diagnosis process in the UK. This isn't just about one man's insight; it's an open door to understanding and harnessing the potential within a neurodiverse brain.

Wrap up your earbuds, because we're about to unpack the transformative impact of therapy, laughter, and kindness on mental health.  And remember Christophe's takeaway: whether you're spreading positivity through your digital presence or learning a new language, the simplest acts can be the most profound. So, let's chuckle, nod, and maybe even tear up a bit as we affirm the profound effects of empathy and humor. Join us for a session that's as entertaining as it is enlightening, and walk away with the mantra that might just make the world a better place: "Don't be a dick."

Lobow’s SPARK is proudly supported by Leo Guinan, Kirk Hofstrom, Casey Elliot, Sarah Delano, Justin Allingham, Blushing Crafter, Jamie Young, and Beth Jones.  It is also supported by 10 anonymous supporters.  Whether you want to be mentioned by name or remain anonymous, this podcast does not exist without you.  Thank you so much for your support.

Lobow’s SPARK has started a fundraising effort for Crisis Text Line. We have a goal of $19 per episode as $19 supports one person in their time of absolute crisis with their mental health. If you would like to donate through our fundraiser in titled “Lauren’s Infinity”, the link is listed below.
https://www.classy.org/fundraiser/3638033  

The background music during the recognition parts of this episode, was written by Guy Farmer.  Look him up on Itunes!!

MERCHANDISE NOW AVAILABLE! This is a work in progress but tell me what you want, and I will make it happen!  https://lobowspark.myshopify.com

Transcript

Lobow: 0:06

Welcome to Season 11 of Lobow's Spark . Today we have Christophe, who is outstanding, and thank you very much for doing the video on my channel, that friendly fire episode. That was really, really cool, so go check that out. Well, christophe, welcome. All we do is talk about our journey with ADHD on this podcast. I ask one question what is your ADHD journey? You can tell any story you want to tell, all right.

Christophe: 0:37

So it's a loaded question, I know, but it's well, it started back when I was a little child but really did actually technically. And I think I will start from the realization I had it basically because that's got a reason thing. I am nearly 40 and something and and I've only really realized I had ADHD about a year and a half ago two years ago ish and that was simply because my wife got diagnosed with ADHD and autism. Again, she's delayed diagnosed one as well. She's 15 now and that was because my step son is 15, got diagnosed with autism because they had major issues at school and everything. So we say, yeah, something's going on here.

Lobow: 1:34

Can I thank you for that? Can I interject and thank you for helping the step son get the diagnosis and whatnot, because that is my biggest advantage is I was diagnosed young, so I've had all this time to figure out medication no Medicaid, you know it's. It's been such a blessing and almost everyone I speak with is late diagnosed.

Christophe: 1:59

So just thank you for helping oh but I think we had no choice because it was to a point, wasn't going to many details, but he had be a male that basically has trained at school. So we had to do something about it. And the main thing, because I don't want to talk too much about him, because maybe he doesn't want to be talked about- I got him.

Christophe: 2:19

But the one thing I'm sure one of my miss saying is that it made a major difference is mental health. Once he understood. I'm not going crazy, I'm not going mad, I'm just different.

Lobow: 2:31

Yeah, you're not wrong. You're not wrong, you're different. Exactly, that's it.

Christophe: 2:38

And again and that's one big thing, whether it's ASD or ADHD, I've got an issue with a D in it as a disorder side of it. Yes, you can look at it like that and I know some people really struggle and there's a lot of issues linked with both conditions. But it's not always a disorder, it's the way of view it, as something I said in my video, it's more, you got a different brain, you got a different neuro type and like one comparison that you use an awful lot is if you compare a Land Rover or Ferrari, depending on where they are sticks and boss on the farm, the Ferrari will have a wheelbase deficit disorder and it will be stuck in the mud and skin, my friend, it will be shit in the field. They think what am I doing? Can't do anything Right. Rubbish for shopping as well, and so can't do anything right. Stick the Land Rover on the racetrack. It's a weird society where everything's getting more and more standardized.

Christophe: 3:44

Also things start to change a little bit now. Yeah, there's the big standardization, ignoring the fact there's a significant minority who don't fit in, that and struggling and nobody's telling you just put up with it. Why don't just go through the discomfort and just get that?

Lobow: 4:03

is that pisses me off. That is not discomfort, it's the yeah From people. I want to go back to the Ferrari versus the Land Rover analogy, because I have a very similar one actually that I say all the time, which is Ferrari's. I think we have a Ferrari brain, a brain for you know, and what happens is but Ferrari's break kind of consistently actually, but it takes a shit ton of time to get the parts needed. You can't just go to your local Ferrari dealership or whatever. So meanwhile the people in the Honda are just cruising along because, I mean, a Honda was a reliable vehicle and it just always is going at the same pace. But once we, once we get the parts for our particular Ferrari, we blow past the Honda, absolutely, absolutely, and then we break and then we have to get the parts back. But we're always going to blow past mediocrity, if we can accept this.

Christophe: 5:06

And that's one thing. Again, in therapy and I'm not talking a little bit more about that later Some people which I've noticed, who are neurodivergent as well, as I wish I could be normal and I said, no, son, that you don't want to be normal, and they're like, well, not to be be wonderful stuff. And, yes, you've got struggles, yes, you have problems, you have issues, but that's also the other side of it as well. So it's not all bad, it's not all great, of course, right, it's not. It's super power. Well, not always, not for everybody, no, yeah. But once you understand what's going on, once you understand, the cause of being dealt with is so much easier. Right, you realize that you're playing a game on a hard level. It's everybody else playing on easy, exactly.

Lobow: 5:56

Are you a licensed psychiatrist, or what not, I think?

Christophe: 6:00

I'm an hypnotherapist.

Lobow: 6:02

Hypnotherapist. Okay, that's what it is.

Christophe: 6:03

Got it so yes, I just mind control people. No, I don't know. I help people, and I will also maybe talk a bit later about the advantage of being a DHT, with therapy as well. Being a therapist, Excellent. But just to ask you, because we just got a tangent.

Lobow: 6:26

It's going to happen. It's going to happen.

Christophe: 6:30

But let's try to go back to the main question. So yeah, so basically I got. I was reading all the questions on the list of self assessments that my wife had and I was like, nah, that can't be me. I was kind of in denial of it because it was saying stuff always on the go no, I'm not. Yes, you're always fidgeting, you're always doing this, you're always doing that. I'm not running around like my brother used to. My brother was a proactive ADHD. I think I'm more like inattentive ADHD mainly, but I'm always doing things. I've got tons of things here. I've got stuff like stuff, like that plastic. Since I can play with that, I've got to fidget.

Lobow: 7:16

Yeah, oh yeah.

Christophe: 7:18

That's a question, but I didn't realize that. Yeah, as a singer as well, for example, are you always forgetting things? Yeah, okay, let's admit that. One and the one thing was for time blindness as well. I said, now, that can't be me. I'm always on time. I hate being late. And she said, yeah, but how many alarms do you have in the morning? I said what I want to wake up, want to make sure I have to get up, and one after the house, and one wish I'm already late.

Lobow: 7:47

I mean, you were a minute early today. A minute early, that is a fascinating.

Christophe: 7:54

I had my notifications because I love it, not on behalf of an hour late and I hate that and that part of the hating being late and trying to be on time and everything is about you know, as well as RSD, I don't want to be told off. I hate to being told to do anything for that matter. Anyway, full stop, oh yeah.

Lobow: 8:18

Absolutely.

Christophe: 8:19

Criticism and people watching this. If you go to the edge, you will all know. Yes, everybody hates being told off. Everybody has been criticized, but with ADHD is deeper than that.

Lobow: 8:29

It's so much more involved than normal people can possibly understand.

Christophe: 8:36

Yeah, and so basically, yes, all that stuff going there, and I've, foolishly, for many, many, many years I always thought, no, I'm just maybe slightly whippin, mostly normal anyway, and all those kind of things. And yeah, the more dogged, the more, yes, no, fall into place way, way, way more. It's like you said about being a Ferrari. I think it's also working 90. So I'm a 19 manager as well. And the boss come and tell me okay, we have this problem and I'm there, okay, here's what you do. Yeah, I say, well, shall we discuss all the situations? No, need, no, let me tell you this. But what about this? No, it's okay. Well, because it says a lot of different problems. And I said now, it's one big thing with a few variables there and they all fit in. Yeah, it takes me five minutes and then it takes me three hours of an hour to run through with everybody and it's frustrating.

Lobow: 9:34

I isn't it having to explain why we can see the big picture so much clearer than any other types of people Like. It's basically in my job. When I have to go to a meeting, I literally say this meeting is going to last 30 minutes at most, but for the first 15 minutes we're going to talk about what we are going to do. In the second 15 minutes we're going to fucking do it. We are not going to just sit around and talk about where are you with this? Where are you with this? Okay, well, I'll get that done. Well, how about? Right the fuck now.

Christophe: 10:13

Because if you don't do it right now, it's not going to get done, it's not yeah, forever it is gone.

Christophe: 10:20

So that's a bit of a stuff that's set to find a place also as well. When I was trying to look more into mail down stuff like that, the reason, one of the reasons why I met therapy is nice because about 10 years ago nearly, I had a nervous breakdown. Everything was too much and basically panic attacks out of the blue. I should have said coming, but I didn't. I ignored the signs like, right, most people do, and I also had one at uni as well. Basically, just I'll say to I can't do with anything and I'm looking back. It makes sense now.

Christophe: 10:58

Now I'm quite lucky in the fact that I'm quite. I've come to. This is quite well, I've been cut from everything. Well, if it's everyday stuff, I would have carried on perfectly fine, ignoring all of that. Obviously, when a few things come together then blew up more than it should have, and basically looking back at all the situation, all the different things together, the from the RSD, the stimulus brain working differently in the expectation and the pressure. Yeah, yeah, it makes sense. I should have said coming if I'd known my brain properly at the time and I could have prevented it or at least navigated it better at the time. But on the plus side that led me to become a therapist. So that's, that's that's sort of silver lining and use that. I've learned my lessons.

Lobow: 11:55

Fascinating, fascinating.

Christophe: 11:57

Because if I can get out of my general anxiety, if I can get out of that all that Well, thinking ahead of the time where basically was doom and gloom and stuck in every possible way in my life, to now being a few years after that new relationship almost what kind of new job, main job being being accommodated for and happily married after that and everything. So yes, life just spin around.

Lobow: 12:28

And you landed on your feet.

Christophe: 12:30

Oh yeah, I've been my fit.

Lobow: 12:32

It's fascinating to me. I firmly believe in this is not documented. There's no proof of this, I'm just going to say it 80 HD people, they, they do this thing where it's very, very difficult, very, very difficult. Then you succeed at some things, then you don't, you know whatnot, but you always end up great in the end, because what happens is that your brain is setting this up the entire time. You don't really recognize it, but your brain is preparing to live out your dream. Yeah, because we just go after what we want. That's it.

Christophe: 13:10

And the thing as well is we're also super good in crisis, super good when there's trouble. Exactly, I will be enraged at a printer not working, which is a trivial thing, and I think there's a whole joke that Regie gives the machine in a specify which machine. It was Right it must have been a printer. Yeah, and in IT, I've been in there for 35 years and it's always printers, always a pain in the back side, but, amazing, there's a big crisis, a big situation where the shit is a fan. Okay, I've got it, and that's a really interesting thing. And again, it's something which I've learned later on is typical of ADHD, because your brain is super stimulated. Oh, now I can work properly.

Lobow: 13:57

It is time, once again, to thank this podcast's biggest supporters. Without you Okay, yeah, I'm trying to do two things at once here, hey Santa Without you this podcast does not exist. So thank you, leo Guy-Nan, thank you Kirk Hofstra, thank you Casey Elliott, thank you Sarah Delano, thank you Dustin Allingham, thank you Blush and Crafter, thank you Jamie Young and thank you Beth Jones, thank you, y'all. This podcast cannot exist.

Christophe: 14:39

Yeah, I don't need it. I don't need tons of other brands available.

Lobow: 14:45

All the brands available.

Lobow: 14:48

So, Christoph, I got to tell you. So you work in IT, is that? Yeah, you're going to find this fascinating. I'll let you in on a little secret here. So I work for college athletics and I run the technology for every venue that we have for our home events. And I don't know shit about technology and I hate printers and I don't like updates and I don't like. Okay, but what I did, I was smart in the fact that going. You know what? I love this team. I love this team. How can I work here? Here are people that are better than you at the things that you struggle with. That's it. So now I have the staff of people that know technology and all I have to do is help them in life. That's my job. Get them to where they want to be. And if people can't swallow their pride as a manager or whatever, and say, you know what, if this person is better than me, then you're not a very good manager.

Christophe: 15:56

That's difficult for other people. I think I'm giving them the power. No, I think I could spend a lot of time learning that skill and trying to do it, or I could get someone to do it better than me, and I'm perfectly fine with that. For example, my boiler today was packed up. I called a local plumber. He came and fixed it for me. Here's some money. I'm not allowed to touch the boiler because gas and everything and regression anyway, but then why should I bother? Or fixing cars I know some people that love tinkering with their cars and fixing it themselves. My brother always likes that. I don't have time for that.

Lobow: 16:36

I know, right, that's the whole thing. It's the double-edged sword. I only sharpen one side of it. That's the side that it's already sharp. If I try to sharpen the other side, it might get to a somewhat normal level. But I'm going to spend so much fucking time sharpening that dull blade when I can cut through a lot of other shit pretty quick.

Christophe: 17:01

Yeah, what I've done for a long time is to do a lot of botched jobs, which, yeah, they'll do, but not great, right? Because again it's the old jack-of-all-trade master of none. Which actually is better than the old code.

Lobow: 17:19

I don't know what the old code is actually. I don't know what the old one is. None, let's.

Christophe: 17:24

Google it. Yeah, I don't know what the other thing is. Jack, let's find it Sorry about that. Let's go find it. Jack of all trades, master of none. Everything is better than alone. All trade, master of none. Full quote. Yeah, jack of all trades, master of none. The oven time better than master of one.

Lobow: 17:53

Yeah, well, because you have different things to choose from, you have different things All buried, right yeah?

Christophe: 18:01

I love it and I think as well. It's the funny thing as well. Just seeing of that, I've got that kind of tattoo here which is a Celtic thing which allegedly I won't guarantee. It is supposed to be the shield of Lou L-U-G-H-A. Irish demigod. The factory was supposed to be the master of all arts and war and everything. Basically, you could do everything and I got that one. I got my black belt because I decided to do different things.

Christophe: 18:30

I'll lie on that and the thing I realized actually, yes, that was the reason behind it. It was a big, thing, because that fits me nicely, exactly so. Going back to, did you get officially diagnosed, or was it self-diagnosis or Okay, I'm hoping to get diagnosed anytime between now and the next five years.

Lobow: 18:56

Okay, Because in the UK there is a oh yeah oh God, I'm not going to like green politics here, yeah, but I get it. I've heard it.

Christophe: 19:08

I've managed to get on the waiting list because I think there were some organization, private One, which were working with the NHS, which is the health organization in the UK. So I managed to get with Saccato UK, which was privatized, was working with the public thing and I should have a first assessment for the next few months. I was very interested with them about four, five months ago, so not that long ago technically. But the funny thing was I've filled in the form on the same day actually with Saccato UK and with the NHS, so the official state-sponsored health system and the first one sent me. Oh, thank you very much for your form, we'll look at it. It might take about six, seven months until we can get to you. So please be patient and we apologize and that's fine enough. The NHS thank you for your form. We'll be able to look at your form, hopefully soon. Here's our waiting list and it was put in different ways. So ASD two years. Adhd five years.

Lobow: 20:16

Good, and then tell the ADHD person please be patient, that helps. How ironic is that.

Christophe: 20:27

And the thing as well, the number of hopes you have to jump through to get your assessment as well.

Lobow: 20:32

Exactly.

Christophe: 20:34

And so, yeah, all you can do private, because you're about like two grand, basically two thousand pounds, two grand. Well, it depends where you go. And even then, if you need to have your medication, if you need it, then you have to get that sorted out with them and you may not be supported by the NHS. With us in the UK, you've got your medication, you've got a small fee to pay, but it's dirt cheap basically. But if you go private, you may have to pay privately for your medication as well, which would be more Interesting, interesting, ok, that's I thought of one thing there.

Christophe: 21:12

So it's frustrating and a lot of people are getting frustrated with that and hopefully it can change soon. But that's a different story. We need a different system. Yeah, that needs to get fixed immediately.

Lobow: 21:26

Don't tell me to fucking be patient. People need help. That's Absolutely. Why is this so hard for people to understand? People need help. Yes absolutely.

Christophe: 21:40

But again, the only thing I would say is greed at high levels, and I'm going to leave it to that.

Lobow: 21:48

OK, we'll stop it at that. Yeah, you know, I get it, I get it. But that's the clear of politics here, right here. That would be the most we do on that topic.

Christophe: 21:58

There's hope and people are starting to complain. So hopefully we'll get there. But in the meantime, yeah, even with my hypnotherapy, I see that a lot of people are struggling because I specialise with people suffering from anxiety issues, which covers everything, to be fair. There is a very big specialty. So you smoke too much anxiety, you eat too much anxiety. It's all related to that basically, quite often. And, yeah, and I see a lot of people who are neurodivergent whether it's ADHD, asd or combined or other different type of letters and they don't even know it themselves that they are neurodivergent. And for a long time I didn't realise it either because I didn't know the science. And now I will say half the time I'm there. Yeah, you may want to, you should look into that, because I can't diagnose you, I can't tell you. You've got an idea, but sometimes I'm there. Come on, that's an obvious one.

Christophe: 22:59

And I will say yeah, half the people basically don't realise that and they're coming to see me hoping I'll be able to help them feel a bit more relaxed, get rid of the anxiety and they can move on with their life. I'm saying it's not going to be that easy unless you understand yourself properly. So, please, I'm going to help you. Short-term, I can help you feel better, feel all happy and everything. Short-term, yes, I can do it, and give you some tools to manage your symptoms. Yes, I can do that Absolutely. But it's not going to go away. It's going to come back if you carry on doing the same thing. Yeah, and unless you understand yourself, then it's going to be a problem. The first thing again is Actually there's something in the US as well. There's a lot of misunderstanding of what ASD and ADHD are.

Lobow: 23:49

There's a stigma attached to it.

Christophe: 23:51

There's a stigma and misunderstanding, I think, but for me as well, for example in my family. Now, looking back, it's everywhere, basically yeah. But I think my late brother was a proactive ADHD Big time. He was a kid at the back of the class, grabbing on his chair, going under the desk. Yeah, he was a kid at the top of a primary school. The teacher's understanding. He was pretty smart, he's smart, he's listening, he's just very let's put him at the back, it doesn't matter if there's anyone. So he was very lucky on that one. Right, I was a quiet one. Give me a book and I began to follow again hyper-focused, right, that was the.

Lobow: 24:30

Thing.

Christophe: 24:30

Yeah and yeah. So people think, yeah, he's a little boy who's running around and screaming his lungs out and everything. But on that, I think the only thing as a kid that was I should have been a giveaway was the speed of my speech, because I couldn't speak. I can't anymore, actually Fennelinov, because I've trained myself out of it but I could speak about 10 times faster than I do now.

Lobow: 24:54

I was like Eminem, eminem.

Christophe: 24:57

Nothing on me, right, except the illocution. So it was very fast. Anything like the few people could understand me, but because it had to come out fast, right, my friend was, as he said, the furthest thing, so that was. So, basically, I thought for a long time, maybe I just have a speech impediment and not just a French accent, just the speed there, but it was just the main way my upper activity was manifesting itself at the time. Well, I've got a lot of thoughts right now and they're all going to come out all at the same time and just fighting with each other on the way out.

Christophe: 25:35

And people were like, what is he saying? Yeah, he's saying it's very interesting. And the funny thing is, at uni I had Because we partnered up sometime for some projects and everything, and for one year I managed to find one guy who was just like me. That was interesting because we understood each other. Yeah, because, again, we were the same way, same way friends and everything. And sometime we're doing projects, so going to uni, going on the campus and everything, the face of other people. Because we were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, for luck, what?

Lobow: 26:12

Yeah.

Christophe: 26:14

It was like, Because it was like in the late 90s last century yeah. And basically it was like people, they were on dial-up and were already on fiber, one gig Exactly.

Lobow: 26:26

Exactly, and I think when y'all two recognize each other and you're like, okay, hell, yeah, okay, someone that understands me, what I don't think the vast majority of the world knows is that we are better at understanding them. Also, we are perceptive as shit when it comes to people, right, that's the. So to me, that's a huge advantage in life Is the ability to read people, the ability, I mean, that can get you so far, yeah.

Christophe: 27:02

But the main thing there as well is I always consider myself a bit of a chameleon in a way, socially speaking. Right, I think it's 20 years ago I was more hippie-like hair than to hair. Yes, I had hair and I miss it. I miss it, but, yes, physically I can be speaking to people, I can speak to hippies, I can speak to skinheads, I can speak to seagulls, I can speak to the bin man and everything, and I'm able to read quickly and that's because RSD means I don't want to be criticized.

Christophe: 27:39

Therefore, you've got two ways of going about it. One, you have to know everything about everything. So you have to be a know-it-all, and yeah, that's me, I love it. Or you, basically you try to do everything you can to fit in any kind of social group you meet, yeah, and again, I think the mirroring thing going on and it's masking. Basically, yeah, thank you, therapy is very useful in therapy because anyone coming therapy, going in my chair, I can relate to them so easily now because I got so much different thing. And again, I had to give you an idea on three nights in a row, because I mainly do ethnotherapy in the evenings, and one evening I had a junkie, crack cocaine. The next next evening, sent chair, I had a drug dealer wanted to quit drug dealing and everything, and the next evening I had someone who was looking for counter counter terrorism.

Lobow: 28:44

Seriously, seriously. What are the odds of that? What are the odds of that? Back to back to back, exactly.

Christophe: 28:57

And I was there. I can't make that, I can't have the good back. But I was like if only you knew, because, oh, can I say anything I want to if you knew who was in that chair before I can. I'm here to help them, I'm not here to judge them Right, and and I don't kill anyone- Should be really okay with that.

Christophe: 29:25

First thing is they come to me with with meaning to get better and get out of it, so of course I'm gonna have them. Is be productive to say who I don't look up. I've got someone in March is doing drugs. I'm not gonna help anyone, so right, so yeah, so basically I got people like that's. I've had people for like see, see years for for big companies, and I had some like work from mothers single mothers trying to do the best, and you got everything in between.

Lobow: 29:54

You have every walk of life, yeah, and you're able to help every walk of life. This is firmly what I believe. Adhd people do so well, yeah, and, and the thing as well is it doesn't matter what work of life you're in.

Christophe: 30:12

You're not immune to anxiety, not in, no to autism. You're not immune to ADHD because there's so many famous people, creative people, especially people who have ADHD, autism and everything Right and so. But look at all the different actors, artists.

Lobow: 30:29

Oh gosh, yes.

Christophe: 30:30

Gosh, yes, I think. To come back to it, yeah, I think you've got half the half that the population is autistic because they can go down the rabbit hole and they know everything, they can sell up your system and they kind of like a juice on that. The other half is the people actually innovate. Why is the ADHD people? And you got a mix of the two and for a long time I assumed was one of the few normal one in that field. No, I was a fool. I'm still.

Lobow: 31:02

I'm sure, somehow, what I'm getting from you is actually incredible is what I think. You have a self awareness that is insanely accurate as that, but that's that will serve you so well in the future. It's like now that you know how your brain works. That that's all it is. I make a joke with it. Takes an ADHD brain to figure out an ADHD brain.

Christophe: 31:33

That's literally that's absolutely the thing is. The main thing is understanding everything, and the the funny thing as well. I've always, I've always been a why kid, not the why why, why not the annoying ones? I think, right, this one's now, but ever since I was a kid, it was someone say me can please do that? Why? Just because what's the point of doing it exactly? Exactly, I'll do it if not, and I'm very glad because in France and for a long time, you have the military service right and I was among the last few years of having to do it and I've escaped it, thanks, in a way, thanks to my nervous breakdown beforehand. So that's served me well I'm actually we use that to escape the one year or ten months or whatever it was, of going to the army, because mean the army being told what to do Not?

Lobow: 32:30

gonna happen whatsoever. Yeah, yeah, okay. So, but basically, you'd make a phenomenal general, but you're not gonna make a good entry level. See, that's absolutely so you can promote us to the top spot and we will care and dog it to get to death until it works.

Christophe: 32:53

We're not grown. So our thing is we can't just go through the routine of doing. They're just some people doing it, perfectly happy with that, and that's great. That's great for them. It's their super skill and they can go through the thing. They can't go through the routine, and we need people like that too.

Lobow: 33:11

Absolutely. Absolutely, but some people like us just can't and and that's the thing I can't for the life of me, do that shit and of course, you need rules, you need a structure, you need authority.

Christophe: 33:25

Even though I'm not good at that, I respect that right. But they need to be reasoned for it. So maybe because I'm French, maybe I know that rules can be dent.

Lobow: 33:34

I don't know but the rules work out better if we create them for ourselves, because we can actually create a structure that helps us up here and rules that make sense, right, that's. But we have the ability to do that. It's so amazing to me.

Christophe: 33:57

I'm sorry, I get really pumped up about this because like it's, it's someone else like this that understands, for example, someone I met, my wife I moved in because of flat was so much nicer than mine anyway, and so basically she, she, she got all those things between them that way, that way, the autism side of the. Obviously there's one side of a side of the other side of the ADHD chaos monkey in a brain which means that every six months she needs to rearrange the whole living room anyway.

Lobow: 34:31

So it's kind of a fight between the two.

Christophe: 34:34

But autism is skipping my chaos monkey in check, which is great. But one thing at some point you were saying but I'm you know that I've got all those rules and ways of doing it and and you don't never say anything about it. I said, well, no, because you will as many words of doing it. Your rules make sense, so I'm happy with that and you make me happy. So why would I change it if you had a stupid rule? That was totally pointless? I will tell you the other thing all the rules have. They make sense. So sure there's a logic behind it and I'm happy with that and I can do logic perfectly well. I love that.

Lobow: 35:13

But in that funny, in that funny because I thought we were the ones that couldn't do logic. We are actually the most logical people when it comes to the big picture on things, because we go directly to the point.

Christophe: 35:27

But in recognition, logic and seeing that all things work all together and some people are just like looking at the little things. So yeah, that's the problem, people are too busy looking at the tree. They consider all forest basically. Oh wow, I love that, I love that. But on the other hand, we're good at that. But, for example, when I do an IT project, I can start getting in place, but then you got to finish all the little things and all the little things and all the little things and that is a track.

Christophe: 36:06

But then you make stupid mistakes. So yeah, that's where it's a give and take that's where we drop the ball a bit and that's fine. But I think we do composite quite nicely and I've worked with some company for 20 years, so they must be happy with me.

Lobow: 36:23

Wait. You've worked for the same company for 20 years. I know You're the only person that I have met besides myself. That is the exact same way.

Christophe: 36:35

But there's a reason for it, though. Looking back, it's a small company, about 10 of us ish. I am the IT department. Therefore I do everything. Therefore, I do all the things. I'm in charge of the programming, I'm in charge of the computers, I'm in charge of the websites, I'm doing the data, so I've got a lot of stuff on the go. I don't get bored Right. Only now we've grown enough that now I need to delegate and some people are doing stuff for me and it's annoying because I've slow to respond to anything I want to do.

Lobow: 37:10

Oh my god that's my number one rule. My number one rule Speed of response. If you send a text message, do not wait five minutes to tell me that something is fucking up at this event. You need to tell me immediately what is going on so that I can help.

Christophe: 37:27

That's all I got. Frustration, basically, is because it's up to you people who are reliable, maybe, but dreadfully slow.

Lobow: 37:40

You might be my brother in another life. I literally it's possible, it's very possible, but my thing to all of this, though, is the things that we are not good at Don't ultimately mean shit, but what we're great at matters.

Christophe: 38:04

Yes, I think the thing is yeah, and people will disagree with that.

Lobow: 38:10

Yes, Absolutely.

Christophe: 38:12

But the thing is, yeah we're not good at being normal, right, and that annoys the majority of people who want us to be normal, want us to mask and want us to force doing things their way, and whether it's with OTS or ADHD. But just imagine for one second. We try to make them behave like us, right? So you try to get them to be more autistic or get them to be more ADHD. They wouldn't cope.

Lobow: 38:39

Right yeah. And who has changed the world? That was normal. I would love that stat. Has there ever been a normal person that's changed the world? Like just a normal basic? No, you know. No issues upstairs, they're not crazy.

Christophe: 39:00

Take any big figure and they're going to have something weird about them, exactly no matter who. Exactly no more is boring, it is no more is weird in my, as far as I'm concerned. I just don't understand it.

Lobow: 39:18

I don't understand what normal is. Yeah, and the thing is yeah and.

Christophe: 39:22

I said before. The young girl once told me in my face she was struggling. I just wish I could be normal, and I know what she meant. She meant I wish I was, I didn't have to struggle. That's what she meant, yeah, but no, don't be normal, be awesome, you're fantastic, you're awesome. You see things differently. And she was like, hmm, because I was the first one, you kind of kind of, I was a cheerleader, basically for yes.

Christophe: 39:52

And I was chiming, you know. I said you've got things to give you All this thing there. And yes, you're different, yes, you're not normal, and that's fantastic. And Brayton, she was like she was just doing double. I said one of her parents was anyway, for my own safety, and low suit and stuff like that. But you gave her a jolt to momentum, you gave her some momentum, yeah, but she didn't expect from a therapist.

Christophe: 40:20

She expected me to tell her okay, I'm going to help you be normal, right, and I think it's with the idea she's not much of a. I think with autism there's the ABA, which is a big controversial thing, which are a bore personally. Let's make you more normal. Let's teach you to mask properly, and people doing that don't realize how masking is so bloody, exhausting, it's mentally draining, it's painful.

Lobow: 40:51

It is painful, absolutely it's physically painful to do it.

Christophe: 40:55

And now absolutely, and that's the thing for me now. I think now I've realized how I'm doing it. As I say, I'm lucky that I'm quite able to do my level of I was about to say knees, not quite the right word but I can quite easily go up and mix in and it doesn't take too much, as long as everything is fine. So day to day, things are perfectly cool and I can almost act normal Almost. Also, people always remember me.

Lobow: 41:27

I don't know why, I'm not sure. If you're fun to talk to, that's not masking, that's just being you, yeah but that's something.

Christophe: 41:39

Now I've realized what I'm doing and how I am, because from hypnosis and doing cancelling and something to serve before myself as well, when I have a break down, I have to understand myself better. So all of that, basically, as you help people, you kind of look back on yourself as well. You have to Absolutely and also as well with again, my wife and I step sundering like that and also as well, because neurodivergent tend to attract each other. You think in a normal world, yes, your world is normal, but it's a world of neurodivergence. Everybody around you is weird, sustic and the thing is, yes. Now, funny, you say that because now I've been starting to think about because hypnosis, you want to have a nation, you want to specialize in things, and the one thing that I always do, or not in well, it's actually yes, but not forcing it is therapy can be fun.

Christophe: 42:39

People come and see me for dreadful conditions. What my? It's kind of weird, but my favorite clients, people who really struggle massively, and there's a quite a few women who come to see me because they're surviving, they survive domestic violence. So right Now, something close to my heart for many reasons, and what they've gone through is absolutely dreadful. You got the PTSD and everything the bruises, heal for the mental things. That's for a long time Correct and a lot of therapy. It's about okay. So tell me everything that went wrong, at least everything that is bad in your life functional till now. Tell me everything, every details, all the things that are horrible and everything. And after 5, 6, 10 sessions of doing and just staring the shit and how does it make you feel? Well, I know the answer it's your final action.

Lobow: 43:37

Oh my god, my goal. Thank you.

Christophe: 43:40

And I'm well. Cbt is one, for example, and CBT can work for some conditions, not all. But now it's been everybody has to be CBT. No, it doesn't fit everybody Exactly. If you have PTSD, cbt is not the right thing for you. It makes things worse, but it's a different story. My goal when I see someone for the first session it's like about an hour and a half my goal at the end is for that lady to leave my office and to laugh ahead of at the mention of the abuser's name. Thank you, that's my game.

Lobow: 44:14

Thank you, that's it. That's the fucking cure.

Christophe: 44:20

No way they free themselves, they get rid of all the shit, they get free of all the emotional linkage, all the hurt, they feel better about themselves and the pathetic person. And where you said that, because a lot of empirically just mentioning the name of the abuser, they kind of they recall and you can see them going back to victim mode. No, I'm not having that. I'm going to have you in a fun way, in an enjoyable way. You're going to see that person for the piece of shit they are and mentioning their name will make you laugh at their face and that's getting the power back and that's what it absolutely is. It's the same thing for any kind of anxiety, ptsd and everything. My job is to. I'm using one of my go-to techniques if you ever see any kind of my video on TikTok, my go-to if I did a demonstration for people. Getting me to hypnosis makes them laugh, makes them smile. People. I'm just amped up, amped up, amped up, amped up People. It's a great feeling Fun, the power, the feeling of.

Lobow: 45:34

I'm so happy to have met you.

Christophe: 45:37

Yeah, and it's something which is so simple. My hypnotetters say for hypnosis, if you get an emotion, you can then prolong the suggestion. What best emotion than smiling or feeling of love and just happiness and struggle with examining that up and for them. I got to work a bit deeper, but 99% of people, as they open their eyes, they're like I'm gonna do a big fat play for them. I have to put a little more that was weird.

Lobow: 46:15

Yep, yeah, it's weird for some people to have fun. It's weird to have fun for some people, but for someone like me, I guess I just want to radiate that so that someone else might pick up a little bit of it. And if it's just a little bit. That can mean the difference in life and death mentally.

Christophe: 46:38

It does. Because again, for a long time I was in a bad place and not realizing it. Because again it's like the analogy of the not because I'm French, but the frog in boiling water and you just increase the temperature. Also, technically that wouldn't be true, but again that's just science.

Christophe: 46:59

whatever it's like science gets in the way of a good analogy. And so I was in a bad place for a very long time and I was grinding me down slowly and I was Mr Grumpy basically I was. It didn't take much for me to be grumpy and again I said I'm a big guy so I can be intimidating if I'm in a bad mood. And I was like that for years and never again. Basically. So again and again, I'm lucky, but I've married. A standard of comedians. It does help a lot as well.

Lobow: 47:32

So that's good, that's fantastic. I want to jump right into the honestly. The last thing I want to ask you, because it just flows well what are you most proud of? Now here's the question. It cannot be. It cannot be someone else I'm proud of my spouse, or my girlfriend, or my son, or whatnot. It's got to be a characteristic within yourself that you are most proud of. I think you just described it.

Christophe: 48:07

I long for it. What are you laughing at? I'm a main and the thing is this Making people feel happy and laugh. I think that's something which now I'm actively using. I will not again, like my wife or people I know, go on stage and do stand-up, because that's not me Right. I'm not the guy who's in front of the stage. That's not my style. I'm the helper. That's my nature. I'm looking back In IT, I'm the guy who makes things work.

Christophe: 48:46

In therapy, I'm the guy who makes things work. People come in and see me, for example. I'm not here. I'm going to introduce you and you fix. It's not that? Now, one of my friends got a great job. I'm a therapist. I'm the Merlin to your author. I'm going to give you your scalability, your push and use spells. You're going to go and play your own fucking dragons, because I'm not doing it for you, but you're doing it. You can take the credits and you can move on, feeling better and powerful. That's my skill set. That's what I do. That's what I've been raised by my mum. I've learned something that even as a 12-year-old, someone asked for help. That's my temperament. That's what I do. We can backfire. Let the flip side to it, you can take it. It's not always all love.

Lobow: 49:44

No, it's not. No, it isn't.

Christophe: 49:47

You've got to have boundaries, which I've learned the hard way. That's something else. Our friendship to my wife. We do the same job. A stand-up is an aside thing. My impressiveness is on the side anyway. She goes on stage and when she does a 10-minute set or when she organises all evening on festivals and stuff like that, she makes people feel happy. When people come to see a comedy show for one hour two hours, they go in there, they have a bloody good laugh, they go all the end of the floor and they feel great. They forget all the shit that happened outside and they feel great about it. That can make a big difference, as I said, for anyone.

Lobow: 50:27

Absolutely.

Christophe: 50:29

It's therapy, and also do the same thing in martial arts as well. That's a big thing.

Lobow: 50:34

People forget about Global's Spark has started a fundraising effort for Crisis Text Line. We have a goal of $19 per episode, as $19 supports just one percent in their time in crisis with mental health. If you would like to donate through our fundraiser titled Warn's Infinity, the link is listed in the episode's description. Warn was my wife's best friend and loved by all who came to contact me.

Christophe: 51:07

I stopped running my own club a year ago because of Covid. I've run a club for about 13 years and a lot of people come to martial arts, some people because they want to be like Bruce Lee. But some people they come to see you because they lack confidence or they're good issues and they're hoping that the martial arts will harm them. And I've always made a point I want to make the sessions fun, because if it's not fun, what the hell are you doing it? And again, as you said, disciplinary and shabbing at people, he's not my style. I don't do it that way. I like play, I like fun. People don't like it and they don't mind putting more effort. But I've always made sure every beginner in my club I would do a first test, I would score a test session with them to show them what Echidro is about. But that's because 15 years ago, before the Maren club, I had someone coming to see us and I was feeling a bit hmmm and that not too happy about it.

Christophe: 52:15

But I was like, oh yeah, sure, coming in. And I said, oh yeah, coming to see I don't want to do something. No, no, come along, come and find it. And I said, oh yeah, it's time to which was the other time. Yeah, but I'm not sure if I'm the right guy, no-transcript. Well, mate, I don't care who you are. Do you want to hear enough fun? I can show you a few things. If you're interested in what we do, let's come and see what I found on the mat and let's play. If you like it, great. If you don't like it, you can just go home. I'm not forcing anyone and you can say okay. And he trained with us for a couple of years and he told me later on, about a year later, after that that night, that was his last attempt.

Lobow: 52:54

Unbelievable, unbelievable, that's unbelievable. See, that's why we do what we do. Yeah, that's why we do what we do.

Christophe: 53:02

People be nice to everybody you meet. Thank you. The thing is I was oblivious to it, Right, and that kind of put pressure on me on winning my own club. But in a way it's just a power you have, Because if I've been there, who are you?

Christophe: 53:20

You're good enough, or if I've been in the house or if I've been trying to show off what I'm better than you and some clubs are like that it would have said it's not that and it wouldn't be here. Yeah, and that made me realize at the time it was way before I did therapy and stuff like that way, before I even thought of doing that. But as a coach, my job was to help people progress and get better, which, again, that's why am I doing therapy, I wonder.

Christophe: 53:48

It's a fancy thing, it's cool, but yeah the thing was, if I rewind properly, yeah, you've got power on people and people come and see you and if you're nice to them, just a small kindness every now and then can make a life-changing, literally difference in people's mind. Exactly, people underestimate that. Be nice, it doesn't cost anything, thank you, thank you. And when we're talking about the seminar we went to yesterday by a friend of mine, and they have one rule Don't be a dick.

Lobow: 54:27

OK, can that just be the one rule for the world, Like we have a global law? And if you are, you're going to be fucking put in prison. I'm sorry, Just don't be a dick. There's a price for it. And now I think the thing is sometimes I can be an asshole and it's not. It's my impulse.

Christophe: 54:58

But that's not just me. It's not quite as much being a dick.

Lobow: 55:01

Yeah, my heart's in the right place, but sometimes my mouth is into it. But I will say at the very end of this is, when you die, what do you want your tombstone to say?

Christophe: 55:17

Now, that's very interesting to say that for two reasons, because that was what guided me after my nervous breakdown. So what am I going to do with my life? That's the first thing there. The second thing I've lost my brother a year ago and luckily enough I'm sorry, by the way he was only 50.

Christophe: 55:40

But, being the ADHD operative as he was, fun-loving, he was a little insane. I think he's something he could resist, but he was the guy you liked to meet, the guy you want on your side all the time, and he was my role model big time. But the one thing he lived by is I'm not going to wait for retirement to enjoy my life, thank you. But he did everything he could and I'm so fucking glad he did that, because if he waited he will have wasted his life. So the two things there is 100% Don't wait, maybe one day, and yet it's good to have plans. Sure, have plans, but don't sacrifice your whole life for a potential plan 20 years ago and just go through the grind now for a minute. You need to enjoy yourself every single day. I think there's a song enjoy yourself is better than you think.

Christophe: 56:38

And for me, that's the thing, everything I do, I want to make sure At least I'm having fun. And of course, stuff you have to. Yeah, sure, but if I'm not enjoying myself in my job, if I'm not enjoying myself in my therapy, if I'm not enjoying myself at home, I was my wife and having a lot of fun, and then what am I doing? What are you?

Lobow: 56:57

doing yeah, exactly, if you live in the moment, you will build momentum in your life, moment Momentum. This seems obvious to me. I'm not doing this Absolutely.

Christophe: 57:12

And again, success means a difference for different people. Some people want to be rich of big cars and big houses. Good for them. I know people like that and I know some of them are happy and they live very easily and they put the work in. So good for them, absolutely. And I'm OK, I'm doing all right. I think it's you know, as do is more, of course you can, but I know the rule of enough. I've got enough for that and yeah, I can have a bit more of a son. But also know people who they're so obsessed about. I need to have the letters. Yeah, they're so big and they live in to hear with debts, they're slave to their work, they can't do anything and they're miserable. Yeah, I've got someone.

Lobow: 58:00

I know Absolutely.

Christophe: 58:03

I've got a few properties and everything, and he's just grumpy as hell. He's not happy with it. So again, what is it? What is the main thing? I don't know. Well, I've got an idea, but it's time to work it out. But yeah, I think it's. You've got to know when you got enough, and what do you want and what's your mission, my life, and what does success and happiness means to you, because it's not so easy.

Lobow: 58:32

I think ADHD people I do firmly believe this ADHD and neurodivergence across the board. What makes them happy is helping others.

Christophe: 58:45

I think of those exploring, being curious, having fun. One of my very good friends was my best man at my wedding. He's again typically ADHD guy, Again like me, he did martial arts. He's then, after that, aged 40 and a bit. He stayed in Dubai because he brought his kids from Dubai. He said that looks like fun. I said we got that question. I said oh sure, did he really do it? He studied gymnastics and he then later on started to do jewelry and now even started to sewing, to do underwear, because his wife was complaining about his other thing. But he said how hard can it be? I'm going to do it and I did a good job of it.

Christophe: 59:24

And we were chatting about that actually two weeks ago and for me, just I want to discover things, I want to explore things and have fun things, and there's so many things to learn and explore. And what do you want? To stay at home and just watch TV day in there? I do watch TV, of course I do, but you need some curiosity.

Lobow: 59:44

We have the epic story of the underdogs that proved everyone wrong and then built something that was so meaningful to people. I mean, look at what you do. You help people every day. Yes, and I think it's a superpower. I'm saying fucking it, you're Superman to me If you can do that, because it's hard work.

Christophe: 1:00:15

It's hard work. It doesn't have to be hard. I find it fun. That's the difference.

Lobow: 1:00:22

But fun can be hard too. It can be. It can be. It can be To me. I'm in sports. This is my sports personality coming out now. I'm like I love the fucking grinds, the underdogs, all that. It's like, oh pain, no pain, no gain, all that bullshit.

Christophe: 1:00:36

So I'm going to say that no pain.

Lobow: 1:00:38

Yeah, I'm going to edit all that out.

Lobow: 1:00:40

I can't even look at my teeth. I don't like to be punched. Sometimes I'm like just hit me, just hit me. But no, I just feel I started this podcast because my wife's best friend took her own life three years ago. She was severely ADHD and I think, at the end of the day, what would have helped her the most is laughing, smiling, having people, camaraderie, all of those things to say. We're not going to give up on you, connections, connections. Which is why every single Friday, anyone that has been on this podcast in the past, if they want to we just show up and shoot the shit for an hour. It's fucking hilarious, it's so fun. Everyone's interrupting each other and it's you know. People get it, but the thing yeah, you need connections.

Christophe: 1:01:39

If you're on your own, you're going to whither and die. Basically, unfortunately, that's what's going to happen. Yeah, we need connection with stimulation. I think that's the characteristic. The thing is. The thing is what you say about laughter, the one thing I love about the French version of ADHD. The acronym is Trouble d'attention, avec le sang hyperactivité, I think, but it spells TDAH.

Lobow: 1:02:13

Oh my god, it's brilliant. Ok, that's it. You can't say anything else. That was the greatest thing of all time.

Christophe: 1:02:25

And I love that. It's so joyful.

Lobow: 1:02:29

I am so using that. I'm copywriting it, I'm using that every single time. You're going to have to teach me how to speak French. That's wow. God, chris off. I did not expect my. You're fucking amazing man.

Christophe: 1:02:46

Thank you, sir. This is, then. You're pretty awesome at stuff as well, and doing what you do as well with such consistency as well, I think, is well done.

Lobow: 1:02:55

It's consistent, as I try to be. You know it's a problem.

Christophe: 1:03:00

I know it is. Seriously, I think, what you're doing there, what you're putting out there, thank you, it's needed and we need more. So I'm glad I could contribute a bit there. Absolutely, he's going to keep you can.

Lobow: 1:03:13

Just I'm telling you You're goddamn right, I can Thank you. I needed that today, ok, so can you? Will you email me all your social media stuff, because I didn't know you were on TikTok or anything like that, so I want to list.

Christophe: 1:03:30

I've just slide a bit lately because, again, consistency, what that is. Well, I just want to be aware I'm YouTube, tiktok, my, not my space anymore, what?

Lobow: 1:03:41

is your, your hand. Is this what social media people do? It's a handle. Is that what it's called? I don't even know what it's all over youth.

Christophe: 1:03:51

Well, the thing is well basically.

Lobow: 1:03:54

Or do you even want that listed in the description?

Christophe: 1:03:58

My website is. The simplest thing is Folkestone, folkestone, dash hypnotherapy dot go dot UK and from there you can find everything else. I'll send you the details. Yes, OK, I'm very bad at spelling, so I mean I mean I mean Folkstone, which is a town in on the coast and the UK near Dover, and so when I walk my dog I can see France over the channel, which is great. I love it.

Lobow: 1:04:21

I just want to be able to promote you in any way I can, because you're putting out amazing shit and you're saving people's lives, I mean and I think as well, just once in Warsaw I'm shameless plug.

Christophe: 1:04:34

I do stuff online as well, so you don't have to be local to contact me Because, as you can see, we can just stuff from them perfectly fine, I think you're like a million miles away from me, and we can perfect that, so it was just the same.

Lobow: 1:04:46

That's the good thing of technology.

Christophe: 1:04:48

You're six feet away or six thousand miles, I don't care. To be fair where you are. I think we can. We can help each other, or we can, I love it, Christoph Thank you, but you're very welcome and it was great fun Actually I was.

Lobow: 1:05:02

You know what to expect, so yeah, I mean, look, I will talk to anyone at any time about any mental health, because it's just, I feel what you feel in terms of like, give them a laugh, pump them up a little bit. I mean, god damn, like, why are we shitting on people? Jesus, your rule Don't be a dick. Global, global.

Christophe: 1:05:28

Don't be a dick. And if you're enjoying it, what the hell are you?

Lobow: 1:05:31

doing it, you literally just, I think, solved all of world peace. Don't be a dick is a global law. That's it.