Unveiling the ADHD Experience: Triumphs, Neurodiversity, and Empathetic Leadership

Discover the untold narratives of ADHD as the incredible Jo (all the way from Australia) and yours truly, unpack and mirror the highs and lows many face when dealing with this condition. From the serenity found in medication to juggling professional achievements amidst the whirlwind of anxiety, this episode peels back the layers of ADHD and its management. Together, ADHD friend Jo and I tear down the stigma, one personal triumph at a time, and we invite all listeners to find the empowerment within their unique experiences.

We've all faced the challenge of fitting into a world that seems wired differently than us, especially for those with ADHD. This episode brings to light the sheer determination and creativity needed to carve out a successful career. It's a candid conversation about leveraging the strengths of ADHD, navigating the world of medication, and the late diagnosis journeys that shape diverse outcomes for adults with the condition.

In a celebration of difference, this episode champions the idea that everyone's cognitive profile contributes to a richer tapestry of society. We tackle the emotional intelligence and emphatic leadership often overlooked in those with ADHD, proposing a new narrative that honors neurodiversity as a valuable asset. Join us as we share stories of success, debunk myths, and promote a future where empathy and passion are recognized as key leadership qualities, and where every individual's talents are not just acknowledged but revered.

Follow Jo on TikTok @myfavouritejo & on Twitter @MyFavouriteJo

Lobow’s SPARK is proudly supported by Leo Guinan, Kirk Hofstrom, Casey Elliot, Sarah Delano, Justin Allingham, Blushing Crafter, Jamie Young, and Beth Jones.  It is also supported by 13 anonymous supporters.  Whether you want to be mentioned by name or remain anonymous, this podcast does not exist without you.  Thank you so much for your support.

Lobow’s SPARK has started a fundraising effort for Crisis Text Line. We have a goal of $19 per episode as $19 supports one person in their time of absolute crisis with their mental health. If you would like to donate through our fundraiser in titled “Lauren’s Infinity”, the link is listed below.
https://www.classy.org/fundraiser/3638033  

The background music during the recognition parts of this episode, was written by Guy Farmer.  Look him up on Itunes!!

MERCHANDISE NOW AVAILABLE! This is a work in progress but tell me what you want, and I will make it happen!  https://lobowspark.myshopify.com

Transcript

Lobow: 0:06

Like, like I'm done with people feeling shitty about themselves. I want them to be able to tell them their story the way they want to tell their story, no matter what. So Well, I am.

Jo: 0:19

so I'm just sick of people getting diagnosed and going here's the biggest of things that you're shit at, and I might. Are we Let me know.

Lobow: 0:29

Oh yes, oh yes, I fucking cuss every five fucking seconds, so it's fine.

Jo: 0:38

I've got a messy house, but I cured cancer. Why are we focusing on a messy house?

Lobow: 0:45

I knew this would be, this would be amazing. So, Joe, I would love for you to tell your ADHD story the way you want to tell it Self diagnosed, diagnosed by a doctor, medications. You know all that. It doesn't even matter.

Jo: 0:59

Whatever you want to say, say OK, you know it's going to come out in a jungle, because that's how it's out.

Lobow: 1:08

So that's this podcast.

Jo: 1:12

I was told my entire life like you'd high school. High school teachers like oh my God, will you go talk to a doctor or something like you? I thought it was a joke Turns out maybe not, but they're like will you please get medicated? My high school science teacher said can you please take Valium? Before coming into my class I was. I was your very stereotypical ADHD kid, but I was a girl. So no one no one diagnosis that like.

Lobow: 1:41

I was they don't do it.

Jo: 1:43

I had the boy symptoms of let me bounce off the walls, let me disrupt everyone. I finished my work, so I'm going to start balancing on the back two legs of my chair until I fall over and crack my head on the desk behind me once or twice. But it's, it was very stereotypical. But you're female. We don't, we don't really diagnose you people. So then it wasn't till I was mid 20s and I was getting all the same comments from my son's teachers Will you please go get him a? Says he was in kindergarten, and I said he's not bored, he's smart. Oh, no, sorry, he's not, he's not. Well I because, again, I didn't know what ADHD was, because in the 90s it was Bart Simpson, it was the kid that drank red cordial. You just had to fix their diet or a shitty parenting. And so when my son was little, I'm like he's not ADHD, like these are all normal traits, normally my family.

Lobow: 2:30

Exactly, the Internet is again just doing this, like it's. The audio is perfect, so we're going to keep going with this. So weird, it's so, like it's this, that the other, which will make for a fun podcast, but fucking, let's just do it. I think the reason that Girls are not diagnosed with ADHD Is because it's the 12 year old boys syndrome. Right, like it's the like. I'm the stereotypical ADHD kid, right, but what about the girls?

Jo: 3:09

that I was. I was the stereotypical boy type and they still like it. It's a girl, it's so ridiculous.

Jo: 3:17

And then also my parents. I mean, the 90s were really bad for diagnosing, even even boys, because it was just like I know she's shitty parenting or it's just that they're drinking too much red cordial was the devil. They just go on a diet and I'm like you know what better diet does help ADHD is, but you're still ADHD. It doesn't. It doesn't change your brainwiring, no, it just makes you better in your body, so you are less whatever. Yeah, but so the 90s were bad for diagnosing. And then they also just stuck every single kid that wouldn't behave on medication. That was another thing. That that's where you got a lot of backlash with ADHD in the 90s.

Lobow: 3:57

I don't know if it's the same in America. It was, it absolutely was.

Jo: 4:03

So my son in kidney, the teachers saying all the same things, and finally we went, we went to see a psychiatrist and then I'm filling in the thing and I'm like I do that, oh, I do that, I do that. So, basically, like most middle aged women, I got diagnosed with my son, or not middle.

Lobow: 4:27

I wasn't middle aged at the time, but most women.

Jo: 4:28

I got diagnosed at the same time as my son and then I went on medication for a bit and we ended up homeschooling because reasons, we end up homeschooling. I went on medication for a bit and then I'm like, look, I do feel really good on medication. I feel really calm. I didn't even realize that I didn't feel calm until I was on medication. I'm like, if it's really quiet in my head, is this normal?

Lobow: 4:52

Like this is yeah, oh, that's so right because it's all this I get so much shit for. Like oh, you take X and X milligrams of a similar stimulant. I'm like fuckers, this is what I need. To sleep Like it's a stimulant to me.

Jo: 5:15

And when they go, it's so addictive, it's really addictive. I'm like why did I forget to take it then, right?

Lobow: 5:22

I asked my wife my wife this morning. I'm like, did I take my medication? She goes you're not awake yet, so no, you didn't. And also you have that little thing that I bought you. The day to day, you know medication, you take it. If that day is empty, you've taken your medication. And that's a struggle for me every day. But the thing is like what? I'm so glad to talk to you about this because it's like these we just get crippled by other people thinking that we are not good at what we do.

Jo: 5:58

No, I don't get me wrong.

Lobow: 6:00

We can't be like all terrible in a certain sense.

Jo: 6:05

Yeah, we're the best and worst of society, absolutely.

Lobow: 6:10

Absolutely, but I would rather take the risk on the best at what actually matters. Then we have the experts, yeah that's why we make great leaders.

Jo: 6:26

So, wherever you are right now is we're just going to record sitting on the stairs. Is that what we do? What you just sit like this the whole time.

Lobow: 6:38

Actually, it's crystal clear I don't know why Okay. Welcome back everybody. My internet sucks, Hers probably sucks too, but whatever we do it. So back to your story and your journey with ADHD so diagnosed because my son got diagnosed, because that's how women get diagnosed nowadays.

Jo: 7:03

Yes, I had the meds for a while and then I'm like as quiet as it was up here, I'm like this is really nice, I found. As they wore off, I felt shittier than before and I'm like this is not working for me.

Lobow: 7:18

And then sometimes as well the meds didn't work at all.

Jo: 7:21

Because, again, we only ever study men for everything, and so the meds work for men. And a lot of women find that at one point in their cycle the meds stop working because the meds help Really. Yeah, they. The meds are actually more effective when your estrogen is high. So right before the end of your cycle drops. It doesn't work and they don't tell you that, by the way, so you just have to work it out. Unbelievable. Some doctors will tell you the screen is freezing again.

Lobow: 7:51

I don't understand this. We just keep walking. I'll try out the back.

Jo: 7:56

Let's see what happens out the back, this will literally be the greatest episode of all time because of these internet issues Like I don't know.

Lobow: 8:04

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, because of these internet issues Like it's.

Jo: 8:14

You will get to see my house, oh no, I'll edit that out.

Lobow: 8:19

I send it to you first, before you know, so that you can approve it, because I'm not going to put anything online that you don't want to be. But yeah, yeah, I don't jumpy, and all that again.

Jo: 8:35

We've just got to. We've got to keep walking around the house. We'll just have enough. We won't distract everyone.

Lobow: 8:44

It's like right now is perfect.

Jo: 8:49

I'm going to see if I can sit and it's like a baby who sit down. It's. That's the cry.

Lobow: 8:57

I love this Actually. Yes, this is perfect.

Jo: 9:04

That's fine. We've got the air guard on now. It's fine.

Lobow: 9:08

Okay, welcome back again. This is to the most ADHD episode of all time, which is awesome. Continuing with your story, continuing the story.

Jo: 9:22

So I hated the feeling of the with meds wearing off and I'm like, why am I taking these anyway? And so I just stopped. Apparently, you're supposed to wean yourself off them, but my bad. So I just stopped taking them. I'm like I don't. I don't currently have a lifestyle that requires me to have them, and so I stopped taking them and I was fine. I'm like I live this long without them. I'm, you know, I'm fine, and I still had them there for if I was having a rough day. The anxiety is really sparked. I've got them there for them. So I will take them occasionally if I remember to, but I then I fast forward a whole bunch of years. I got a corporate job nine to five, Monday to Friday. I was not coping at all and I had to go back. Yeah, I'm like yeah.

Jo: 10:08

So how did?

Lobow: 10:08

you approach a corporate job Because I've had one job my entire life.

Jo: 10:18

And it was because I've got 20 jobs my entire life.

Lobow: 10:22

And it's because I told my boss I go. If you don't let me do this my way, I'm going to be the worst employee you've ever had in your life. If you actually allow me to create a structure for myself that works, I'll be the best you have ever fucking seen ever. And he he actually took a leap and said you know what? I'll let you do it your way, and that's. That was 18 years ago.

Jo: 10:51

Wow, that's really good for too much that long ago. No one said yes, that long ago. What?

Lobow: 10:57

did you do? Right? That's the thing. I had to find something that I loved, which was sports, which is why this meeting was late on the internet connections and all that is because I had to monitor this basketball game that the team that I worked for was doing. We lost my one point over time. That's okay, I'm fine, but I honestly I woke up in college one day like drunk and hungover and I was like what the fuck are you doing, lobao, with your life? Like this is you're too smart to be like I thought that so many times.

Jo: 11:35

We're too smart to be these dumb. What's going on?

Lobow: 11:37

Right and I was like, oh wait, there's a stadium of a team that I love a mile down the road. Get your fucking ass up there and ask if you can volunteer. Finally they let me volunteer, and that was 18 to 20 years ago, and then now I have a staff of a lot of people and the rest is history. I've only had one job my whole life.

Jo: 12:03

I will see again. I had to stop with this. Kids involved and then you have the mom's job with round kids.

Lobow: 12:12

I had the benefit of not having the kids initially so I could dog it to death. You know what? Not I get that, but it's so fascinating to me when you unleash someone with ADHD, they will be the best you have ever seen in your life. It's the problem is the distractions of so I like to go to work a little bit early and then because I don't have to talk to anyone.

Jo: 12:46

I love talking to people, but if I start talking it's game over. You've distracted me.

Lobow: 12:51

Right, but the thing is, most people they go to work and they figure out a way to sit around the water cooler and talk and gossip and do all this bullshit Meanwhile I just want to go do the goddamn job. I'm done by noon every day, like I go in early and then I'm like, by the way, y'all can gossip all you want, I'm going home, I'm going to do the podcast now.

Jo: 13:18

I mean ADHD is, statistically speaking, we're 300% more likely to start around businesses. Because nine to five is like prison, it's just. It feels so stifling.

Lobow: 13:29

Because it is Like that's it. My God, my mom was so great in this, she recognized. See, this is my privilege is that I was diagnosed at age five and I have had all of this time to figure this out, whether it's a strategy medication, you know, whatever. And I'm 41 now. I know I look 90, but I'm 41 now. And it's interesting because from age five to age 20, I hated medication, hated it To the point where, like, my mom would give it to me and then I would crumple it up in the toast. You know, I'm like I don't eat breakfast. So, yeah, this is easy, so I'll crumble it up in the toast, take it underneath the house and bury it.

Lobow: 14:24

One day the dog found all of these riddle and fills away. The dog didn't eat them, it was just. My mom goes. The dog was super pikest and dug holes all day. The dog of all time, I can tell you. But all of a sudden my mom's like why do you refuse this so much? And I go, I just I don't like the idea that I have to take a pill to be functional. Yeah, and I hated that, like I hate that.

Jo: 14:57

But then I mean no hate on people that feel like they need to do that. Like he said, I hated that idea too. I'm like I don't. I don't need to take medication too.

Lobow: 15:10

Yeah function.

Jo: 15:12

Something to do, but I don't think it's not the answer.

Lobow: 15:16

For me it is necessary and like that's. The whole thing is like. I think we get into this aspect of it's. This person doesn't like medication. So if I don't believe in medication, they suck in. This person believes in medication. So they say you know all this bullshit. Unless you get to know the person with this condition, you have no chance of understanding what will work for them.

Jo: 15:45

I've got people, so why not I've no friends who are fully functional adults, really successful in their career? Because, again, that was their type of focus for the longest time. They're amazing. And then they didn't get diagnosed till like late 30s. And all of a sudden, like that, they took medication and all of a sudden, oh, look at that, they're drinking problem went away.

Lobow: 16:06

And then I was saying how that works, isn't it?

Jo: 16:09

Yeah, and they're like they've been out of function. It's long and not like they're an alcoholic, but there was definitely more drinking than an average person.

Lobow: 16:17

It's a stimulant.

Jo: 16:18

It's the stimulant. Yeah, after all these little niggling, things went away which aren't going to kill you but certainly take away a little bit of quality of life. Like, if you're drinking a lot of it, you're going to put on weight, you're going to feel shitty in the morning, you're going to be exhausted during the day, and yet, like they're just, and also the little depression, the low level depression for some, that some get, like that.

Lobow: 16:48

Yes, yes, the low level depression absolutely went away when I started taking medication.

Jo: 16:56

I'm not the anxiety side and I'm like it makes me feel really calm. But sometimes I really like the not calm. I really like being hyper.

Lobow: 17:03

So low bowel spark has started a fundraising effort for crisis sex line. We have a goal of $19 per episode, as $19 supports just one person in their time of absolute crisis with their mental health. If you would like to donate to our fundraiser titled Lawrence infinity, the link is listed in the episode's description. Everyone was my wife's best friend and loved by all who came into contact with her. Oh, my God thank you, thank you, god damn it, thank you. Finally, finally someone understands.

Jo: 17:44

I like to be like take medication and calm down. I'm like you take medication and high pop them like have a coffee Bounce with me.

Lobow: 17:54

Oh, my God, this is, the reason that I work in sports is because it is down to the wire every single fucking game and I'm like completely calm during it. And then there's 90,000 people screaming and yelling. I'm like, okay, I can deal with this, I like this. You know, when it's even keel I can't function Like when it's an even scenario to where it's boring. I can't handle boring to the point of pain, like I just can't. Is that, do you?

Jo: 18:33

It's just. It feels painful, which is what you just said. It's just, it's just. So I'm using every ounce of my energy to just concentrate. It's like if you do not have means in that representation. I'm not paying attention Like yeah, I'm glad that the millennium for running the show now, because we're just far better at presentations.

Lobow: 18:57

Yes, oh God, oh Jesus, yes, what I'm so happy with is this has been seven minutes of a good internet connection, so I'm great. By the way, punching bag in the background Is that you, or is that your?

Jo: 19:17

I am. I'm a second degree black belt in Hapkido.

Lobow: 19:20

And then I also help you. Don't piss you off. Okay, got it. What?

Jo: 19:28

are you doing Friday? I'm like I'm going to teach small children violence. I'm sorry, I can't count.

Lobow: 19:34

No, and I'm sorry this is so sporadic, but this is just kind of how this goes. The thing is it's I have talked to maybe 100. At this point, people with ADHD and I can tell you this in full confidence not one of them. Not one of them is not the most incredible person I've ever met, and and that's my whole premise for doing this I just don't get it. I don't get it.

Jo: 20:09

My biggest thing, the two biggest things really shit me with ADHD is number one we are prone to a lot of self destructive behaviors. And second one, and like, because we get bored and we're like you know what, I'm going to jump off this cliff with just a parachute and see what happens. But if people were taught to understand their brain right from the start because the second thing that shits me is you're only told how shit you are If you were taught to understand your brain from the start, you wouldn't be doing this. So I mean, you probably still would don't get me wrong, but you'd be doing them in a far more controlled way. You'd be doing it from a better place of understanding. You would be like hey, I'm not going to develop a drinking habit, I'm going to develop a running habit instead.

Lobow: 20:52

Like you, like all you know, oh, my God, that's so good, that's so good.

Jo: 20:59

You need the dopamine and you know what a really easy way to get dopamine is to have a drink. Another really easy but slightly harder because I got to go for the couch way to create dopamine is go for run or lift something or play beat saber. It doesn't need to be boring, you just need to move.

Lobow: 21:13

So you actually explained why I chop firewood every day. That's my escape is. I need a result every day of something, and if I'm shit and I'm tired, if I chop one log, I see a result there's one more log on the wood sack. So that you literally just explain that. So why I do that?

Jo: 21:42

I used to come home from school and just shoot hoops. From the moment I got home from school, maybe 3 30 to like six o'clock at dinner, so like three hours a day. I'm just sitting there shooting hoops because I don't come to my brain or whatever I don't. Well, I didn't consciously know what I was doing. I was just shooting hoops and you wonder why I was better than everyone.

Lobow: 21:59

But yeah it, just it frustrates me, because my wife's friend thought she was shit all the time and I just I don't. I like I don't understand why society brings this in as a like oh yes, you did this wrong, you did this wrong, you did this wrong.

Jo: 22:24

Well, yeah, we did, but also good Lord he cares Like this close next to my bed who cares Right Like why do you I?

Lobow: 22:37

Why is that? Do you think that they like just harp on this small shit?

Jo: 22:46

I guess it makes them feel good that they're good at it. It makes you feel, it makes them feel better that they're good at something.

Lobow: 22:56

I have met the person I need to talk to every week.

Jo: 23:04

Some people get so mad when you tell them you're not disabled, you're just different. I find it very big in America that there's a lot of shame around it.

Lobow: 23:20

There is a lot of shame here.

Jo: 23:24

It's not the same in Australia, it's just.

Lobow: 23:27

It was interesting. I went on my honeymoon to Australia and then to New Zealand for my honeymoon eight years ago. When we landed I had a note from the doctor for my medication. I researched all this kind of shit. The guy looks at the paper and he goes psychiatry. I'm like whatever gets me to take the medication is fine. He goes, you may pass. I'm like okay, cool, I'm good. Then I went skydiving in New Zealand, had an amazing honeymoon. It's not like that here.

Jo: 24:06

It's sad, you guys are really uptight about. Yeah, everything they talk about. I remember once going to a talk, actually, and someone was talking about the stigma of ADHD. They got really emotional and upset. I'm sitting there watching going. What stigma.

Lobow: 24:28

I'm so happy, Joe, to meet someone that understands this to the point of and yes, there are horrible things that I do wrong Finances number one. I am horrible with finances. That is why my wife is great at finances and I'm like you're in charge, Do it. She handles it. She tells me this, that the other I'm great, but she also allows me to be in charge of the things I'm great at. It's like a characteristic thing that we have to understand is that some people are better at this, Some people are better at that. Unless you're a fucking team, then you're going to lose.

Jo: 25:12

Yeah.

Lobow: 25:15

And it's just so easy. I don't understand why this is so hard for people to understand.

Jo: 25:22

The other thing that I find really a lot of ADHD is struggle with and understandably, so Much like all the research in the world is based around men. It's also based around neurotypicals. So when we get given these pro tips and this is how things should be done, and this is blah, blah, blah, it's all neurotypical advice and it doesn't work for us, and then we get really frustrated, really angry, really like I'm such an idiot. Why can't I do this? Because it wasn't built for us. It's like you need to do the hardest thing first. That's not going to work for us. Like if I look at that hard thing, I need to do that first, I'm not going to do anything. You need to put away one dish first and if you feel like putting away a second one, go for it. You don't need to clean the whole lounge room.

Lobow: 26:03

Thank God. The world isn't changed by how many dishes you put up. It's changed by what you give to this world and we give a shit-tunned. The dishes can fucking wait, I'm sorry, like they can wait.

Jo: 26:25

And I mean there's no moral weight on your dishes. You're not a bad person because you've got dirty kitchen. I mean worst case scenario if you really, really really can't cope with dishes, hire a maid Like it's not that hard, or use paper plates. Who cares?

Lobow: 26:40

Paper plates. You stole that from me. I love that, I'll get over it.

Jo: 26:46

Eat straight out of the plastic container and stick it in the bin.

Lobow: 26:49

Because it's so easy.

Jo: 26:52

I love plastic. I mean, obviously I've still got to wash it, but I love plastic plates. I love plastic cups because when I'm done with it, I can hurl it across the room, it doesn't break. Or I can stick it on the ground and if, when I put my foot down later on the ground, accidentally kick it over, it doesn't break. I love plastic.

Lobow: 27:08

That's so good, and we have totally ignored the reason for this podcast, which is you. So if you would like to tell the rest of your story, how that would?

Jo: 27:18

be great Story's been speckled in there. My biggest calling, I guess you could say, as far as ADHD and why I'm on social media and all the rest, is because you go on Reddit and Reddit is largely an American platform, I generally assume if I'm talking.

Lobow: 27:36

What is Reddit again? Is that like the whole?

Jo: 27:40

Reddit was for the longest time it probably still is known as the front page of the internet and there is subreddits, which is basically think of anything in the world that you want to go up and there is a subreddit for it.

Jo: 27:53

You go to the phishing subreddit, the ADHD subreddit, the knitting, the crochet, the purple one, if you want to see purple things, et cetera you think of anything. There's a subreddit for it. You go to the purple subreddit and you can just see a whole bunch of purple things. Or you can see a whole bunch of phishing advice, you can see a whole bunch of crochet stuff, you can see a whole bunch of colorful things, whatever you want. So it is text and videos and pictures. It's kind of like.

Lobow: 28:17

The thing is I'm so technologically inept but I just plug in headphones like these and talk to people, so that's it. So I don't know what Reddit is or whatever, but that makes sense.

Jo: 28:34

You go on the ADHD and autistic ones on Reddit and it is all always me. My life is so hard, my life sucks, I'm an idiot, I should just kill myself, et cetera, and I'm like dude, and whenever I say anything positive in there, I started, I made an account, my favorite Joe account, and I started to say no, this, you're not just like that, you've also got all the. I get downvoted to hell Like they hate it. They get really angry and I'm like you are not all these terrible things Like, yeah, Like.

Lobow: 29:04

I just. But why do people get so mad over positivity?

Jo: 29:12

I understand that there are challenges that I'm not. Oh, there's huge challenges, but it doesn't mean that there's not good and it's the same. But what's she like? We normalize challenges for neurotubicals. Like am I ongoing joke that they can't do maths. It's, there's a lot of truth to that joke, but it's. But it's like you laid us everywhere and you can just Google how to do a percentage. You can just, you can just put the percentage straight into, google it for you because it's normalized. They can't do maths. And there is even the idea that maths is hard. Everyone understands maths is hard. Why don't they understand? Dishes is hard, like, why do they?

Jo: 29:51

understand that cleaning your house is not normal. It's normal for percentages. It's not normal for you dishes to be hard, and I'm just like neurotypical challenges are completely normalized and they are saying this is the default and anything from default is wrong or read or abnormal.

Lobow: 30:11

And.

Jo: 30:11

I understand the default, but. But even even if we keep this as the default, the part that drives me insane is the only things they tell us are our challenges. And I'm like when I describe neurotypicals like I guess what? They get really pissed off. And you know what, when I describe neurotypicals like that, they sound shit. When I say ADHD is normal and then I say neurotypicals, oh geez, if everything, ADHD is normal. Neurotypicals are really lethargic. They don't have much energy. They can't, they can't focus on anything for very long at all. They can only really go to moderate pace. They're not real bright. They're never the experts at anything.

Lobow: 30:50

It's called NNBD, normally boring disorder. It's basically what I like.

Jo: 31:00

They're like, but like. They're never passionate about anything. They really they seem depressed. They're never real passionate. They don't have any hobbies. They can't be bothered. They can't be bothered to pick up hobbies, they're just so lazy.

Lobow: 31:13

I've noticed that it's literally the exact opposite of what you would think it's. They are struggling in their relationships, they're marriages, they're this, they're that and I'm like, but it's because you're not creative enough to stay in bed with the same person for fucking 10 years.

Jo: 31:36

Like yes, you created the kids.

Lobow: 31:40

Get fucking creative, Motherfucker, do it and like and that's. They don't understand how powerful that can be. And then they say oh, what was me? Because? Oh, but look at the ADHD person. I just I can't stand it. I can't stand this negativity, I can't. And that's because people are dying because of this negativity.

Jo: 32:08

And it's not dying, they're just they're. They're feeling depressed, they're feeling anxious. They're not creeping because we are taught to do everything the neurotypical way and that doesn't work for us because our brains are not wide like this. Right and it's just a different way of looking at shit and it's different enough that we don't cope with some of the normal crap, it's just yeah.

Lobow: 32:30

And guess who are the ultimate most successful people? The CEOs, the this. They said, fuck you, I'm doing it my way. And all of a sudden, the CEO of a company. All of a sudden, the world's most successful people have what we do.

Jo: 32:51

We have. I mean we've got Simone Biles, we've got Michael Phelps, oh, Simone Biles yeah, and you're going to turn around and go no, no, no, we're depressed losers. I'm like are you going to say that to Michael Jordan?

Lobow: 33:07

See what happens there.

Jo: 33:09

You're going to say that to Michael Phelps, the most decorated Olympian of all time Right and the greatest basketball of all time, the greatest gymnast of all time, like these are not one offs. I actually I made a few videos where I'm like I love this, let's support the Neuro Typicals, let's give the and you know what? It's actually really hard and I'm not joking, it makes me sound like a dickhead, but it is really hard to find super new, super successful Neuro Typicals.

Lobow: 33:36

I started Googling some of my favorite people. It absolutely is.

Jo: 33:40

It's hard to find them in successful circles. I found six, and you know what Someone actually pointed out. No, you found five. That one's not new to me. Oh my God, I'm not convinced that the five are.

Lobow: 33:53

But how many of those people Googled the ADHD success? You know people. You at least took the time to research. Okay, maybe there are some successful people without our fucked up ADHD brains. You took the time to do this. They didn't.

Jo: 34:14

That's the other thing I see in successful. I'm like the other ones where they're like oh look, I'm not ADHD and I'm really successful. I'm like I think you're undiagnosed more than not.

Lobow: 34:27

Well, yeah, because it's like, what are the characteristics of the most successful people? I went against the grain. I didn't care about anyone. Anyone else thought I did it my way. I found something that worked and now I'm a CEO.

Jo: 34:45

We have a good friend and he tells us that we work with and he's like I've got six businesses and I work with Marty Grah. I am straight, but I work with the Marty Grah doing all this stuff and they all invite me to all the parties because I'm the life of the party and he never answers emails and he never answers calls Exactly and he's like people tell me all the time I should get checked for ADHD. I'm like. He's like I'm not ADHD, though. I'm like mm-hmm.

Lobow: 35:15

You know it's so funny. I got to tell one story before I ask you. The last question is so my mom she literally noticed something, was a little bit off because I kept knocking over pictures when I was five and couldn't stay focused or anything whatever. She goes yeah, you're going to go to the doctor, and that's my again. It's having loving parents that get you to that scenario, to where? And she goes. I want you to wear Superman cape to school every day and I go. But the dress code is this she goes I don't give a shit what the dress code is, they will send you home every day. You put that cape back on and you go back up there and I'm like, whoa, okay, okay, mom, I love you.

Lobow: 36:14

So wait say yeah, I just took it off yesterday, but like it was, I like to wear anything Honestly she was like look.

Lobow: 36:27

And I was like I don't know what it's going to say, that you're doing everything wrong. So I'm just going to give it a little bit of fun. Wear a Superman cape. You have my permission to do this. And I'm like okay. So I show up at the supermarket and kindergarten and they're like this isn't the dress code, go home. My mom goes okay, maybe they didn't understand that as much. Let's button it up a little bit and make it more present. Go back up there Like every day, for years.

Jo: 36:58

Someone called me and said I'm doing ADHD.

Lobow: 37:04

Actually, she is so typical, she just loved me, like that was the whole thing. She's like I can't do what you do, so go up and tell them how much better you are than me, and so that's kind of my advantage. But not a lot of people have that and that's kind of my purpose and I flinch my fist when I say this is like it. It can only be an advantage when you have friends and family that support what you do well, and if you don't have that, then it becomes the downward momentum. Adhd is based on momentum. In my opinion, it's hey, I did this well, I did this well, I did this well. If people are congratulating you on those things, step by step by step, you're doing this. If people come in and say you suck, you suck, you suck, it does this.

Jo: 38:15

That's the truth for everybody, Whatever you say it's better or worse.

Lobow: 38:20

Right, that's my whole point.

Jo: 38:25

And you need to be aware to look for the good. Our good's not going to be the same good as the other, exactly.

Lobow: 38:31

Exactly.

Jo: 38:34

They just like to focus on that five-year-old boy. Why is it still? And you're like? That five-year-old boy also has a vocabulary of a 12-year-old.

Lobow: 38:42

What one? Also, you rip on a. I was terrible in school, failed every class on purpose because I reached out to relationships. I like people a lot and it was more important to me to fail math class and go to lunch with a friend that I now have to this day than it was to get an A in math. I didn't care how much I was held back because that friend is still here to this day supporting me in what I'm doing. So it's more of an emotional thing for me, but some people aren't like that. I have a great group of friends, a great wife, a great family. Why? Because they gave me a goddamn chance.

Jo: 39:44

So they went. You're really good at X, y, z.

Lobow: 39:46

I like that they gave me a chance to do it my way, and when they gave me the chance, all of a sudden, I was really successful. Big surprise. Anyways, Joe, I love you to death. One last question, and this is kind of a hard question, is what are you most proud of in your life? Now, this cannot be, this cannot be, this is the hardest question, but I have to ask it. It cannot be finding your spouse having kids, whatever. What characteristic within you are you the most proud of we don't talk about?

Jo: 40:33

it enough, I would say that. And when I realized this or I had tears in my eyes when I realized it it was probably a few years ago. I realized I'm just sitting there playing Beat Saber. Beat Saber sort of puts me in the zone and a good music moving, and my brain just gets to one of a kind of meditative. And I realized a few years ago that if little Joe saw Joe today, I would think that I was a fucking coolest adult I have ever met in my entire life.

Lobow: 41:04

I'm like Joe, Joe, you look at me. Oh my God, that is so sick. That is the sickest answer I've ever had from anyone.

Jo: 41:15

I would look at me and go check out your rainbow hair, your rainbow clothes. You've got a rot wheeler, your software engineer, you've got a black belt and you've got rainbow dinosaur tattoos. Because little Joe was told don't be like that. Oh, and I ride a motorbike. Little Joe was told don't be like those people that ride motorbikes, that have colored hair, that have tattoo. Like don't be like them, they're dangerous, stay away from them. But if I saw me as a kid, I'd be like that's the coolest, fucking adult I've ever seen.

Lobow: 41:53

That actually is some damn Damn Joe. That was perfect, like I. Literally I love that beyond belief because I feel the same way. I've never said it If I was a kid and I look at myself now, I'm going that's a badass motherfucker. It is time once again to recognize the biggest supporters of this podcast. Lobal Spark is proudly supported by Leo Guyanan, kirk Hofstrom, kc Elliott, sarah Delano, justin Allingham, blushing Crafter, jamie Young and Beth Jones. It's now also supported by 13 anonymous supporters, and I understand that because I can curse and all that kind of shit. I get it. I get it. If you want to support this podcast anonymously, you are free to do so. It's totally fine, but this does not exist without you and I love you.

Jo: 43:01

Right, that's so annoying. That's all I want to say.

Lobow: 43:06

I mean it's no use. I would use many links in the chat.

Jo: 43:10

Give me your thoughts in the chat and then we'll look at the talk from the top down. We'll put a link in the top top tab To do a live stream, mainly on that website. Go to 24huhorg. We're holding livestream purposes, which is up on the end. We're dropping in over 50-ностиing. It's not hey, I always put it in the same way. It's? I can't do the dishes, it's not we don't sleep very well.

Lobow: 43:41

All that bullshit is not what it is Like yeah, those are symptoms. We all, we all. If you're a five year old boy, it's a symptom. Yes, Okay, but forgive me if I can't sit still in math class because I'm bored as fuck and I'm 12 years old and I'm a guy. Okay, this is the problem is that women are not diagnosed as much as men. That is an issue.

Jo: 44:10

I mean the big one, the big one that really annoys me when it comes to a lot of women's diagnoses is they're like, oh, boys don't sit still. I'm like, yes, because boys don't sit still, and so when you have an MHD, you don't sit still and I'm like, and girls talk.

Jo: 44:24

So when we have ADHD we really talk Like it's. It just makes you know what you are and I'm like. I'm not a boy. So I mean I didn't sit still but, as I said, my symptoms are more boylike. But most girls it's the one that won't shut up. It's not the one that won't sit still, it's the one that's motormouth, no seat. No seat.

Lobow: 44:46

That is true, but at the end of the day the only good part about that scenario is that if you get diagnosed as a girl, you probably have it because we are over diagnosed. Y'all are under diagnosed. So the only positive I can dwell from that is if you get diagnosed as a girl, you might damn sure have it Because they have taken the time to go through the process.

Jo: 45:16

When I went to talk to the doctor he said we were filling out the thing I said I think I might be this is the start of my life. I think I might be maybe ADHD I'm not real sure. It might be, you know, mildly and he was like there is nothing mild about it. You are off the chart on nearly every single piece.

Lobow: 45:33

I was like okay, I was actually so proud when they told me that it was like you are just not right and I'm like excellent, because everyone that I know that is not right wins.

Jo: 45:49

My diagnosis. Oh my God, I actually cracked it with the doctor. He's like here we're going to. First of all, it's a three month waiting list or something, and at the time, which is still short compared to some, but I'm like you got to be kidding. So, anyway, he sends me an email. He goes I need you to print this out and bring it with you. And I'm like what? And then I look at the email. It's 20 pages long. He goes I need you to print it out, fill it out and bring it with you. I'm like you want me to A. I have to download the email, put it on USB stick, drive to Officeworks, print it out, fill out 20 pages of stuff and then remember to bring it with me. Are you fucking kidding? Do you know who? Your diagnosis is Right?

Lobow: 46:28

I look like I asked them to cripple and walk upstairs. Yeah, and that's fine, and that's the whole thing is. That's. The test to them is can you read the 20 pages that came in? Well, no, motherfucker. So what are you trying to do? Are you trying to further cripple me, or how about this? How about three goddamn sentences that I can understand and then diagnose me that? Diagnose me that.

Jo: 47:01

I emailed them back. I emailed them back going you want to be kidding me? And they went. How about you just fill it out and email it back? I'm like OK.

Lobow: 47:10

So it's just stupid, and your Wi-Fi is going out again, but it's fine. It's fine At the end of the day. You're a badass, so my so are a lot of people with ADHD. Fuck it.

Jo: 47:27

Yeah, and just more fun to hang out with my ADHD friends we go rock climbing with, we go geocaching with, we go to the beach, my other friends, thank you, that's.

Lobow: 47:40

I went skydiving three days into my honeymoon in New Zealand and my wife's like so you've been married like three days, you're trying to have a plan. I'm like, welcome to the issue. Like that's. I don't know, I think we're exciting people. That's that, that's my whole thing. I just think that the world tells us we're not and it could be very catastrophic for a lot of people to think that they're not exciting.

Jo: 48:12

And so it's often to a very beige box. So, that's a nice color. I don't see how people are like oh my God, I've got some big hands. Are they beautiful? I'm like it looks like you're naked. You might as well be naked. Why is beige your favorite color, like it's not a color, it's a lack of color. Beige is the color I am. If I'm wearing literally nothing.

Lobow: 48:32

What is beige like? That doesn't make any sense to me.

Jo: 48:36

It's white skin tone, it's, it's, I don't know what. I remember seeing a comment on Facebook when a girl used to go to school where she's all dressed in beige, and one of the comments was oh my God, babe, you look. Thank Hadashian. She's like thanks, babe. I'm like oh my.

Lobow: 48:52

God, oh, my God.

Jo: 48:55

He's so pissed. If someone said, oh my God, baby, you look so Kardashian, I'm like, oh, but she's a compliment. Well, that's great.

Lobow: 49:04

That's a good thing. Yeah, it's just I, I want to help. So bad. But I'm not great at like understanding a lot of things other than the fact that, like, I fucking love you and I will do anything for you any day of the week and a lot of ADHD people do that. So what the fuck is the goddamn problem? Big surprise we are the best leaders. Why is that? Because we give a fuck about the person. We don't care because caring is, because caring works. We care because we actually give a damn.

Jo: 49:49

Because I feel bad. If you feel bad, how is that? But on the list of a foreign autistic trait, but on the list of where they go, you don't have, you guys, a terrible empathy?

Lobow: 49:58

I'm like terrible empathy. Who the fuck said that?

Jo: 50:04

Oh, it's just. I'm like I cry you upset my teddy bear like a literal teddy bear. You are like, I'm sorry, I lack empathy. I think that's a little bit too much empathy.

Lobow: 50:17

I am 41 years old. I have a stuffed alligator that I sleep with every night and I'm like, hey, mr Alligator, good night, good night, like it. I am the most empathetic human. That actually made me cry what you said right there, because it's, it's true, but that's who? That's the type of people you want in charge Is the person that doesn't hire people because of, oh, you know this or you know that, fuck that, you get it right. Everything is learnable, but when you give a shit about that person, they will soar beyond their highest expectations. And I you got me round up I'll be up to four am tomorrow and this will be good.